Soul Searcher  (2005)
Nomination Year: 2015
SYNOPSIS: This is a low-budget British Buffy the Vampire Slayer rip-off made by someone who went to school with three of the four members of the punk band King Monkey.

Hereford street sweeper Joe is driving around in his street sweeper rocking out to his favorite punk band, King Monkey, when he comes across a weird-looking guy beating up random citizens. He chases him down with the street sweeper and sucks him up, which isn't exactly the last time this movie will feature things that suck. As Joe tries to figure out to do next, a robed guy with a sickle shows up and tells him to let the first guy out of the street sweeper before he breaks out. He does and there's a sickle fight which doesn't end well for the weird-looking guy. Huh.

After work, Joe goes to his favorite coffee shop, where he tells his obnoxious friend Gary about the incident. Gary, in turn, dares him to ask out Heather, the barista who Joe has a crush on. Joe vows to do so, but ends up getting coffee and a cookie from her instead. Later, as he leaves the coffee shop, he runs into sickle guy again. Sickle guy explains that he's actually the Grim Reaper -- usually, when people die, their souls move on to the next world. But sometimes, they get stuck, connected to their dead bodies by a spectral umbilical cord, which he has to cut with his sickle, kinda like Dead Like Me, but with less charm and more King Monkey. Anyway, he's been at it a long time and now he's dying and he needs someone to take over for him. Joe impressed him with his street sweeper fu, so would he like the gig? The only catch is, he'd have to give up all ties to the mortal world, because the writer feels it would be a better story if Joe was conflicted about his choice, which isn't exactly the last time the writer of this movie will be wrong.

Joe, however, is unwilling to give up not hitting on Heather, so he says, "thanks, but no thanks," and goes home to his one-room flat decorated with King Monkey posters and rocks out to some King Monkey. Meanwhile, some guy opens a portal and summons some more demons. The next night, Joe is back in the coffee shop. This time, he gets up the nerve to ask Heather to the movies. Unfortunately, she says she doesn't like movies, an opinion with which the audience is starting to sympathize. Despondent, Joe decides to become the Grim Reaper. As you do when you get shot down by your barista.

Cue training montage involving lots of sickle fighting but which, in an amazing stroke of luck, isn't scored to King Monkey. Instead we get a voice over from the Grim Reaper explaining his history: Centuries ago, two brothers liked the same woman, so much so that they came to blows over her. Unfortunately, during the fight, one of them accidentally killed her. Each of them reacted badly in their own way. The killer vowed to do whatever it took to bring her back, which mostly involved becoming immortal and wandering around opening portals to Hell to summon demons through. The non-killer became the Grim Reaper, eternally opposing his former friend, mostly by sending demons back to Hell. Which doesn't exactly jibe with the explanation of the Grim Reaper that he gave earlier. But, whatever, it was better than listening to King Monkey.

Finally, training is over and Joe gets to go out and fight a demon menacing a multi-story car park. There is a bunch of inept sickle fighting and Joe manages to get a couple bystanders killed. One of them doesn't move on, but Joe doesn't even cut her cord. Instead, he goes to the coffee shop to drown his sorrows in a latte and inane conversation with Gary. Then he sees the dead girl from the car park and runs out to talk to her. Fortunately, at that point the competent Grim Reaper shows up, cuts her cord, and lambastes him for sucking at sickle fighting, cord cutting, and not going to coffee shops to talk to his friends, which is pretty much every single job requirement of being a Grim Reaper. Unfortunately, Gary is right there and hear everything. Moral: don't yell at your sidekick for not protecting his secret identity when his best friend is standing two feet away.

At this point, the movie descends into an interminable series of scenes involving demon summoning, sickle fighting, and rocking out to King Monkey. If you ever thought you wanted to see a bunch of people fighting each other with sickles, this part of the movie will prove you wrong. If you ever thought you might want to listen to King Monkey, this part of the movie will prove you even more wrong.

Eventually, all this sickle fighting gives Joe the confidence he needs to try a new approach on Heather -- going up to her as she's closing up the coffee shop and asking if she likes King Monkey. She does! ("I don't even normally like punk. Usually, I think it's just noise. But these guys are really good.") They put King Monkey on the jukebox and rock out -- she teaches him to dance; he teaches her air guitar. At the end of the night, he asks her if she knows King Monkey is having a concert next weekend. She does! She's going! With her boyfriend! Oops.

Meanwhile, some guy in a hat and mirror shades shows up and has a sickle fight with the evil demon summoner. This is less interesting than it sounds. The Grim Reaper also tells Joe that the summoner is planning on reconstructing the chains to open the Drawbridge to Hell unleashing a plague of demons on the world. If only they knew where he was or how he was going to go about it. So, instead, more sickle fighting.

The weekend comes. Joe arrives at the King Monkey concert to find Heather and her boyfriend standing under the King Monkey marquee fighting. The boyfriend stalks off in a huff, cleverly avoiding actually having to hear King Monkey perform. Heather and Joe, not being so lucky, go in (separately). Inside, King Monkey is playing! Somehow, the filmmaker's managed to get the ACTUAL BAND!!! Everybody is rocking out! See Joe rock to King Monkey! See Heather rock to King Monkey! See extras crowd surf to King Monkey! See King Monkey rock out on stage! Or try to see these things, anyway, because the really annoying red filter through which the club scenes are shot makes it hard to see anything at all.

Eventually, Joe and Heather go out on the balcony and he finally confesses his feelings for her. Demonstrating a surprising amount of taste for someone who thinks King Monkey is a good band, she confesses that she's just not that into him. They go back inside and everyone rocks out to King Monkey some more. People dance. People crowd surf. Some guy explodes in a fountain of blood. Everybody cheers, presumably envious that he doesn't have to listen King Monkey any more. King Monkey continues to rock, presumably because they're used to people at their concerts exploding in fountains of blood to get out of having to listen to the second set. A music critic demon appears through a portal and starts killing people, tragically including Heather and even more tragically not including a single member of King Monkey. A woman in a duster with a pair of pistols shows up and shoots the demon. The night ends with another lingering shot of the King Monkey marquee.

Heather, of course, does not pass on. Trailing her umbilical cord, she goes to the cemetery and cries over the graves of her parents, who we didn't even know were dead until now. Joe goes to the cemetery and cries over her. The Grim Reaper shows up and tells Joe to get his head in the game. They get into a sickle fight because it's the Fight Your Mentor part of the movie. Gunfighter Lady and Gary show up for some unmemorable reason. The bad guy starts to open his portal to hell, revealing his location at the base of a pillar of bad special effects.

Joe, Heather, Gary, and Gunfighter head to the villain's lair for an epic confrontation, with lots of sickle fighting against invisible foes only Heather can see. The villain flees, grabbing Heather's cord and yanking her along with him to the railway station, where he boards a model train bound for Hell, which has something to do with ending the world, although we're not sure quite what. There's much sickle fighting aboard the train and the villain eventually plunges off a railroad trestle into a lake of fire and demons, causing the model train to derail and explode, and the world to not end. Joe cuts Heather's cord; the Grim Reaper sprouts wings and ascends to Heaven; and Joe, Gary, and Gunfighter drive off into the sunset in her tricked-out Mustang to loud, off-key strains of King Monkey.
Greg Pearson
Smithee Award Nominations
Most Ludicrous Premise
Obligatory Posthumous Training Montage
GrimReaper training montage
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Smithee Award Winner! Worst Special Effect
Soul Searcher: The banshee
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"WHAT?!"
Soul Searcher: Thechains of the drawbridge to Hell
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Worst Picture
Soul Searcher: Dolphin skeletons and exploding model train.
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Directors
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Cast
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