Zombie Honeymoon (2004)
Nomination Year: 2010
SYNOPSIS: So, this charming couple gets hitched (she's in a red dress, he might be wearing jeans with his tux jacket) and drives off to her uncle's beach house on the Jersey shore for their honeymoon. They scout out all the places where they can have nookie and then go to the beach for a picnic. In the middle of their picnic, a decomposing guy wades out of the water, pukes black goo all over the new husband and then keels over dead. The new husband (Danny) freaks and then he too dies.
He gets better. Sorta. Ten minutes after flatlining, he sits up all "Hey, what's up?" which makes his new wife ecstatically happy. Mysteriously, Danny's hospital roommate disappears but oh well. They are young and in love and having nookie all over the beach house. Incidentally, Danny likes to bite.
Sadly, Danny is also a vegetarian, which isn't meshing well with his new dietary needs. He poses that maybe vegetarians don't make the best cannibals as he's yarking up a travel agent. The New Mrs. Zombie isn't really keen that her husband is killing and eating people (she walks in on Danny eating a missing jogger very messily in the bathtub) but she did promise "until death do them part" and she's going to stand by her man. Besides, Danny luuuuuurves her. He tearfully told her so. Whooo! Emo zombie FTW.
The film wasn't horribly bad and Danny got gold stars for eating the annoying best friend but man, what a downer. Zombiefied on their honeymoon. Harsh.
And now, a note on the life cycle of The Surfer Zombie, which is unique among North American mesomorphs. A Surfer Zombie is born when another Surfer Zombie leaps atop them and vomits black bile. It is unknown whether the black bile has to enter the mouth or whether mere skin contact is sufficient, since being leapt upon by a Surfer Zombie tends to result in a screaming victim.
When the black bile hits the system, the recipient dies. Ten minutes later, a Surfer Zombie is born. The Surfer Zombie mimics all the behaviors and memories of the host organism, at first -- although moderately rapid physical and mental degeneration start to occur after 24 to 48 hours.
Once the Surfer Zombie has ingested bits of ten sentient beings (and it has to be ten -- no more and no less), then the 11th being is vomited upon, passing on the "gene," and the original Surfer Zombie dies, thus completing nature's cycle.
Surfer Zombies are endangered because while they do not die following ordinary injury, they are inarguably dead (barring a sequel) after that black bile spews -- and people have been known to escape being infected. From this we can conclude that their numbers are constantly dwindling, and one day they will pass from this earth entirely, like the passenger pigeon or the Whig.
And now you can't say that this film review has been entirely useless, because -- you know -- SCIENCE!
- Best One-Liner
Dude, that bites!
After chowing down on a couple of dudes and some rare steak, Danny is a bit green around the gills. Denise walks in on him yarking bloody guts into the toilet. He looks up at her and says, "I guess vegetarians don't make good cannibals, do they?"
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