Fangs (2002)
| Tagline(s): | Things That Go Squeak in the Night. |
| It's Feeding Time |
Nomination Year: 2023
SYNOPSIS: In honor of the two valley girl lab assistants here is, like, the review. Totally!
Ok, like the professor? keeps these bats and they are soooo grody but like they have to be fed OK? So the freshmen lab assistants have to like turn off the sleepy music (which is like 'NSync but only the bats can hear it!) and turn on the rad feeding music and then they have to like feed them gross bloody steak! But it's totally cool because the bats? like can't get out of their cage. No way, they are completely locked in there. Totally.
OK like my head? It's totally hurting from thinking like this. And we're only 20 minutes into the movie. Not! Enough! Sangria!
Right! So what we have here is a college professor (who is just now dead from his own bats. The same bats who couldn't possibly escape from their cages. Totally) who is doing some experiment on about 500 bats. 500 genetically modified bats that are on the loose and oh hey, Sister Steve's in charge of the murder investigation. She's got to wrap everything up and find all 500 bats before the Apple Blossom Dance mere days away. The local veterinarian is "helping" too in his capacity as the town's animal control officer. His daughter, on the other hand, is not helping by working on a story about how the local scum ball developer is ruining the town with his sketchy business practices. By the way, the daughter has the same model Powerbook as my old machine. She's going to need to upgrade if she wants to run all her fancy video editing programs and have the piece rendered before the end of the semester.
Now they have to figure out where the bats have gotten off to while the scumbag developer tries to keep everything hush hush so he can sell all his cool new developments. I'd care more if I liked any of the characters one iota but so far the dog is my favorite character and now it's dead too. I guess I have to root for the bats and hope they eat the entire town.
Speaking of bats, they found some! It looks like somebody has a bunch of totally rad bat feeding music transmitters and they are using them to kill off all the people I hate in this movie. I LOVE MYSTERY BAT TRANSMITTER PERSON! Wow, apparently these bats are super souped up too...they have fangs that are twice the size that they should be and they apparently use radar. That's some good genetic engineering.
Aaaaaand just like Scooby-Doo they all meet at the old Kramer farm, pull the mask off the bad guy and blow up the bats. I officially hate this movie now.
Ok, like the professor? keeps these bats and they are soooo grody but like they have to be fed OK? So the freshmen lab assistants have to like turn off the sleepy music (which is like 'NSync but only the bats can hear it!) and turn on the rad feeding music and then they have to like feed them gross bloody steak! But it's totally cool because the bats? like can't get out of their cage. No way, they are completely locked in there. Totally.
OK like my head? It's totally hurting from thinking like this. And we're only 20 minutes into the movie. Not! Enough! Sangria!
Right! So what we have here is a college professor (who is just now dead from his own bats. The same bats who couldn't possibly escape from their cages. Totally) who is doing some experiment on about 500 bats. 500 genetically modified bats that are on the loose and oh hey, Sister Steve's in charge of the murder investigation. She's got to wrap everything up and find all 500 bats before the Apple Blossom Dance mere days away. The local veterinarian is "helping" too in his capacity as the town's animal control officer. His daughter, on the other hand, is not helping by working on a story about how the local scum ball developer is ruining the town with his sketchy business practices. By the way, the daughter has the same model Powerbook as my old machine. She's going to need to upgrade if she wants to run all her fancy video editing programs and have the piece rendered before the end of the semester.
Now they have to figure out where the bats have gotten off to while the scumbag developer tries to keep everything hush hush so he can sell all his cool new developments. I'd care more if I liked any of the characters one iota but so far the dog is my favorite character and now it's dead too. I guess I have to root for the bats and hope they eat the entire town.
Speaking of bats, they found some! It looks like somebody has a bunch of totally rad bat feeding music transmitters and they are using them to kill off all the people I hate in this movie. I LOVE MYSTERY BAT TRANSMITTER PERSON! Wow, apparently these bats are super souped up too...they have fangs that are twice the size that they should be and they apparently use radar. That's some good genetic engineering.
Aaaaaand just like Scooby-Doo they all meet at the old Kramer farm, pull the mask off the bad guy and blow up the bats. I officially hate this movie now.
Jeannette Quirk
Kelly Sandefur
Corbin Bernsen
Tracy Nelson
Whip Hubley
Katie Stuart
Sarah Rush
Corina Marie
