The New Barbarians (1982)
2019 - Os Bárbaros do Futuro
2019, I Nuovi Barbari
Etter Atomkrigen
Guerreiros do Futuro
Helvete år 2019
I Nuovi Barbari
Les Nouveaux Barbares
Los Nuevos Bárbaros
Metropolis 2000
The New Barbarians: Warriors of the Wasteland
Oi Mahites Tis Epomenis Meras
Uudet Barbaarit
Warriors of the Wasteland

Nomination Year: 2013
SYNOPSIS:  The Post-Apocalyptic Disco Butt-sex Movie.

So. In this world of Post Apocalypso, there is a group of Templars who have decided that they need to cleanse the world of the sin that is humanity. Starting, naturally, with everybody else. This they do with a couple caravans until our lone rider hero Scorpion (Giancarlo Prete) shows up and rescues a non-horrifically-mauled (and hot!) caravan straggler (Anna Kanakis). The two of them, along with sometimes-lone companion Nadir (Fred Williamson), make it to a heavily fortified encampment and hole up for a while.

As is the usual progression of these things, the Templars are not happy about this turn of events, and decide to waste a lot of resources trying to capture the encampment. There is also some history between the head Templar and Scorpion which only exacerbates the Templars' killing fervor. Naturally, the only solution is for Scorpion to take on the whole holy gang by himself, which doesn't go well for him the first go around. With a bit of rescuing by Nadir(**), a new pair of pants (Templars have an interesting torture regimen) and an awesome(*) new plexiglass suit of indestructibility, Scorpion is ready to kick Templar ass ... even if he's still walking a bit funny.

(*)Awesome meaning utterly ridiculous in this instance.

(**)Speaking of Nadir, Williamson's character seems to primarily show up when Scorpion is getting a beat-down, and then waits to step in until he's sure Scorpion is absolutely screwed. This happened often enough that we nicknamed Nadir "Clippy" for his "Hey! It looks like you're getting your ass kicked. Would you like some help with that?" entrances.

Smithee Award Winner! "Alas, Poor Yorick"

That's a Shooting Foul.
Nadir is attacking the motorcycle convoy which is dragging Scorpion to his death. He uses an explosive arrow against the leader of the convoy. It catches the leader right in the neck, and when it explodes, the leader's head gets some nice hang time.

Smithee Award Winner! Worst Cover Copy

Unsuitable for Framing.
The front cover has a picture of Fred Williamson and what appear to be a gang of toughs in an urban environment. Sadly, it has nothing at all do with our movie, which is set entirely in the post-apocalyptic wasteland ... got it? Waste. Land. As in: no large collections of buildings, just small shacks, caves, cars, etc.

And that picture on the back cover -- I'm not certain who he (or she?) is supposed to be, but I am 100% certain that she (or he?) was not in this post-apocalyptic disco-buttsex movie.

"Cutting Butter With A Chainsaw"

That's For Not Using Your Turn Signal!
Scorpion is finally teaching the leader of the Templars a lesson. He chases his down, post-apocalyptic-car-o-a-post-apocalyptic-car-o. He comes up behind the Head Templar, and kicks in his augur. He screws the man to death (nicely counterpointing what was done to him earlier), then the Bad Guy's Car careens out of control, and crashes into a rock will in q quarry -- then explodes.

Worst Picture

In the Dark Future of The New Barbarians, there are only Sloppy Firsts.
The Templars have caught Scorpion, and blow up his car. "You did not live a Templar," says the Head Templar, "but you will die a Templar."
Scorpion is hanging loosely, and the Head Templar cuts his pants off, while all the Templars gather around and solemnly watch, as colored lights flash, the Head Templar drops trou, and Scorpion is "initiated" into the Templars, to a disco beat.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Giancarlo Prete probably the most mainstream film he was in is Ladyhawke 
Fred Williamson "The Hammer" 
George Eastman  
Anna Kanakis  
Ennio Girolami  
Venantino Venantini  
Massimo Vanni co-starred in 9 movies with Ottaviano Dell'Acqua 
Andrea Coppola one of his most recent films role was in, of all things, The Passion of the Christ 
Director Claim to Fame
Enzo G. Castellari also wrote or co-wrote many of the Italian post-apocalyptic science fiction films of the late 1970s and early 1980s 

Jeannette Quirk

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