Tagline(s):	You're Gonna Get Stalked!
	You're Gonna Need a Bigger Hoe

Nomination Year: 2026

SYNOPSIS: 

Hoo-boy. Here we go.

In Druid Hills, Kentucky, people are mysteriously dying, killed by -- of all things -- SHARKS in the CORNFIELDS. Yep, you read correctly. They somehow "swim" through the stalks and get you...

Why? Well...*deep breath* a serial killer has been burying his victims in the cornfields in this special county because of its mystical confluence with, uh, Stonehenge, and that's been feeding the growth/birth of a shark-goddess that's due to emerge and devour the unfaithful. Which is the whole Earth, of course.

In an odd twist, the lady sheriff who was working the case turns traitor and agrees to join the Shark Cult and become the embodiment of the goddess... Joining the guy who killed her sister... because... um. Hey, look over there!

Smithee Award Nominations

Most Ludicrous Premise
Sharks in the Cornfields! Ancient burial ground? Humanoid Shark Goddess? Shark People? "This shit's ridiculous!"	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Deus Ex Machina

Deus ex Sasquatchina Our final two heroes are fighting the shark cult, and it looks like they're losing. But wait! BIGFOOT (yes, the real one) shows up and conks the lieutenant with a boulder, saving the day! The reporter lightly tosses a plastic spear and kills the goddess's other underling. The CIA agent blithely tosses a grenade in the goddess's crown and blows her head off. They congratulate each other and marvel about the appearance of Bigfoot.

Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

"WHAT?!"
So This Is What Happens He "pro-offers" the 13th pup? Did he mean "proffer?" Day Night Day. Great speech. Stonehenge and the moon are in alignment. The Becoming. Chichimatul. WTFFF???	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

"Let's Up The Rating To 'R'"
Corno Movie One of the taglines from this film is "You're Gonna Need a Bigger Hoe." Well, we've got one here. Sally gets topless playing a sex game with her lover in the cornfield. Then the CGI Shark Puppet eats her. And not in the fun way.	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Worst Acting
No Oscar for Mayor Weiner As bad as the Constable was at acting, the bald Mayor Zanuck (Todd Martin) shows us why he outranks him. And I mean RANKs. Half the stuff he says is off-the-wall nonsense!	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Mayoral Candidate for Worst Acting and Lunch Another clip from Todd Martin. Whichever of the two doesn't make Worst Acting could easily be Wanna Run. "Bow-legged women"

Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Worst Picture
Little Billy Gets It As soon as you see the kid playing Frisbee with Dad, you know what's gonna happen. But you probably weren't ready for the shark doing...things...to the kid's ass! Or the parents' horrific acting. Or the strawberry syrup thrown around. Or the bouncing head...	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Jumping the Shark Two different copters + Shark + Bad Movie = "SHAAAARRRRRK!"

Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Directors

Director	Claim to Fame
Tim Ritter	Soft-core sleaze merchant. Wrote and directed such gems as Zombarella's House of Whorrors and Earth Girls Are Sleazy.

Cast

Actor	Character	Claim to Fame
<Not Yet in Database>

© 1992-2026 Bryan D. Cassidy and Greg Pearson. All Rights Reserved.