Enter ... Zombie King! (2003)
Zombie Beach Party
Zombie King
Zombie King and the Legion of Doom

Nomination Year: 2015

Enter ... Zombie King! presents me with an interesting dilemma.

This movie was a really fun movie. It was well-paced. It was exciting. It was witty. It was entertaining.

Is it a Smithee movie?

It had some bad acting (one character in particular is clearly a better wrestler than actor), a ludicrous Premise, some bad social science (which might or might not be better categorized as a "WHAT?!" moment), and so on.

Is it a Smithee movie?

It has the presence of both good and bad qualities, and the absence of anything which would automatically disqualify it. I think the audience (y'all) would like it a lot, and my guess is that at least as many people would buy it as bought Guns of el Chupacabra after seeing the clips from that.

Is it a Smithee movie? I don't know.

Here are the things that I do know.

Ulysses (a masked wrestler) is driving cross-country to meet up with Blue Saint (a masked wrestler) and Blue Saint's sister Mercedes (a masked wrestler) prior to investigating Tiki (a masked wrestler), who is traveling with a group of zombies that he wrestles. Wrestling zombies is so dangerous that Ulysses figures Tiki must have found a way to tame them. After all, the only way to kill a zombie is to rip its head off.

Mr. X (a masked wrestler who works for the government and has topless women crewing his boat) is able to confirm that Tiki's zombies are domesticated, but it seems bigger things are afoot, as a number of innocent bystanders (including Cherry and Blossom -- barmaids, not masked wrestlers) are attacked by a pack of wild zombies.

Our masked protagonists turn loose one of Tiki's zombies, which uses its unerring zombie tracking sense to find its peer group (the wild zombies). The wild zombies lead them to an abandoned amusement park. The abandoned amusement park where Blue Saint's father The Saint (a masked wrestler) was killed by Murdelizer (a masked wrestler).

It turns out that Zombie King (a masked wrestler) is controlling an army of half-human/half-zombies (or ... something ... the film isn't really clear on how The French Vixen (a masked wrestler) is "hybridizing" zombies). And his #1 Henchman? Murdelizer.

The wrestlers are all easily captured. Murdelizer puts on The Saint's old wrestling mask and taunts Blue Saint at a lake, threatening to pollute "the city"'s water supply with zombie blood. Zombie King feels that his Existential Crisis may have come to an end, because he wants to take Mercedes for his Zombie Queen. Ulysses and Tiki and Mr. X are all trussed up (Ulysses like a pig, with an apple in his mouth).

Then things get a little chaotic. Ulysses attempts to use his training as a philosopher-luchadore to avoid conflict, but it fails.

Ulysses: "You used to be good! Now you are evil!"
Zombie King: "Good? Evil? Are these not one and the same?"
Ulysses: "Damned moral relativist!"

Much wrestling breaks out.

The French Vixen and Mercedes have a girl-fight.

Mr. X and Tiki have a let's-mop-up-the-zombies fight. It ends when Tiki starts "laying hands" on zombies and domesticating them with the sheer force of his will.

Murdelizer and Blue Saint have a you-killed-my-father-why-why-why-why-fight.

Ulysses and Zombie King have a boss fight, which ends only when Mercedes tags into the fight ... and rips Zombie King's head off. The end.

No, wait! Then there's a big party. The heroes are happy, Zombie King is dead, and The French Vixen has been deported. The end.

No, wait! Cherry is reunited with her (now-zombified) love Blossom, and they make out. The end.

No, wait! Murdelizer walks out of the waters of the lake where he vanished, as credits roll. The end.

No, wait! Nah, just kidding. The end.

The biggest problem that I had with Enter ... Zombie King! was a philosophical one. Was it an amazing movie with some bad parts or a bad movie with some amazing parts? I thought about this on and off for about a year until I came to the conclusion that the best way to share the amazing and the bad parts with people would be to put it in the Smithees. So here it is.

The movie begins with the philosopher lunchadore Ulysses (aka U.S.) driving across the country. A plague of madness is sweeping the land -- strange weather and zombies. He seeks out some old friends for assistance:

Tiki: wrestles zombies for a living -- and may have discovered a method of domesticating them.
Mister X: government luchadore, has Resources and Contacts.
The Blue Saint: hot-headed son of the slain The Saint (heroic luchadore of yore).
Mercedes: daughter of The Saint -- able to track her brother when he runs off and does something stupid. Has a bit of a thing for Ulysses.

With friends like these, the rogue's gallery had better be impressive. And it is:

The Murdelizer: villainous strongman who killed The Saint in a televised match. In charge of the global domination plan.
The French Vixen: Frenchwoman who masterminds a human/zombie breeding program.
Zombie King: Necromantic lord of all zombies -- who harbors a deeply-human secret.
...and of course, hundreds of wild zombies, and zombie/human hybrids.

The music is amazing. The actors sound Canadian. There is a touching human/zombie lesbian love story. All in all, this is one of the most entertaining and watchable Smithee films I've seen in years.

Smithee Award Winner! Most Ludicrous Premise

The Saint taunts The Saint (thru) "You guys gonna let him eat me, or what?" (MLP)

Smithee Award Winner! "Let's Up The Rating To 'R'"

29 Topless girls on boat

Worst Science

Worst (Social) Science -> zombies Seek Out Peer Group (or possibly WHAT?!)

Best One-Liner

1L -> "Good? Evil? Are these not one and the same?" "Damned moral relativist!"

Smithee Award Winner! Worst Acting

Acting -> Mercedes (& the French Vixen) ? thru "Biatch" ?

Smithee Award Winner! Worst Picture

Zombie King's Existential Crisis

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Jennifer Thom  
Contessa Oblivian  
Director Claim to Fame
Stacey Case  

Kevin Hogan

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© 2011-2019 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.