Murder Loves Killers Too (2009)
Nomination Year: 2015
SYNOPSIS: Today we have a tender love story about a
psychotic killer and the 5 teens he terrorizes. Brian, Kyle, Lindy,
Aggie and maybe Tamra (although it really doesn't matter) rent a
secluded mountain
cabin for a weekend of party debauchery. As they drive to their
destination, we are made aware of three things:
One - We really hate the spastic Redhead chick so very much for her
shrieking, bobbing, bouncing, flappity spaz hands (more deadly in a
crowded
back seat than jazz hands) and general amphetamine-like twitchiness that
we
were fervently hoping the killer would make a special appearance and
yoink
her out of the car before the credits finished and kill her then and
there.
Of course he would then have to brain wipe the rest so they could go
about
their oblivious ways until the script said he was actually
supposed
to kill them, but we were willing to suspend disbelief for this one
perk.
Sadly, the bad movie gods did not hear our pleas and we had much screen
time
with Obnoxia the Redhead.
Two - We knew that there were going to be some killings because the
narrator
tells us there are going to be killings even before we are introduced to
the
main fodder characters. The narrator sounds like he comes directly from
Masterpiece Theatre -- but once the Redhead is introduced, he leaves
the
movie, and is never heard from again.
On the other hand, we are comforted that
Crackhead
Red will be silenced in the course of the movie and if the bad movie
gods
weren't kind enough to break the disbelief for us then and there, we
could
only hope Red was the first to go.
Three - Birds sing and roses blow from nature in the time old tradition
of...something something narrator mumbiltygook. I'm still trying to
work that one out but
it's folksy and true. Whatever it means.
Murder Loves Killers Too, the actual name of our touching
ripper
flick,
wasn't as bad as we had braced ourselves for. It followed the footsteps
of
the teen slasher flicks of yore; mainly the five teens are whittled down
one by
one
until there is just the one surviving teen, who is then chased
cat-and-mouse
style here and there. What surprised us was that four of the five were
snatched
within the first 20 minutes of the flick. The boys were killed in
almost
pornographically-gory fashion (with meathook and knife), but the girls
were killed
relatively
neatly. And
yes, The Red Headed Crack
Monkey was the first to go. Thank you movie gods, we never doubted you
for
an instant! Although we weren't quite sure what the rest of the 45
minutes
would bring since that seemed like a really long time to chase someone
around the woods trying to murder them.
The second amusing factor was that we once again found a movie which
features an OCD serial killer. This brings a nice believability to the
actions of the remaining teens when their compadres turn up missing.
Where's Tamra? She couldn't have possibly been mutilated in the
kitchen
because it's spotless. Perhaps she's wandered off in a drunken stupor
with
Brian. Oh well, we'll look for them in the morning. OCD killer even
cleans
up after the teen's late night partying, although I kinda see his point
there. Have you ever tried to get a teen to clean up after themselves?
Our third bit of amusement came from the soundtrack which was really
very
clever. We even watched the little "Making of the soundtrack to
Murder
Loves Killers Too" extra which is highly worth the watch. They
play
quite a
lot with the central MLKT theme depending on the mood. In
the
dark
woods
(Guys, whose car is parked in the driveway?) the theme is all
creepy
John Carpentery, then a little sassy sexy number during the "Wooo! We
have a
cabin and no parental supervision!" scene and hard rockish for
the
drunk party montage. They even used it as a beeboppy ring tone of a
character's cell phone and the whole time the music was varied enough to
not
call attention to the fact that it was the same theme. Plus, Naughty Mittens.
To be sure, there was Smitheeness to cull but it's also one of those
watchable Smithee flicks. And! If you ever wanted to watch a Smithee
movie
whose ending doesn't suck, this would be that movie.
I know, I know. I parse the meaning of those words too, but the order is confusing.
I know, I know. I parse the meaning of those words too, but the order is confusing.
Jeannette Quirk
"Wanna Run That By Me Again?"
Drew Barnhardt
