City Dragon (1995)

Nomination Year: 2012
SYNOPSIS:  Let me first state: I am so very sorry. Okay, continuing: This is one (perhaps the ONLY one) of the rare genre of Kung Fu Rap movies. It starts with an abrupt and incomprehensible carjacking and gets worse from there. Much worse. Much, much, much, much, much, much worse. Bad camera work. Beyond-bad acting. The whole thing seems like a veiled promotion for the lead actor, (I-shit-you-not) M.C. Kung Fu. He plays Ray, a Playah Extraordinayah (see, I can do it, too!). Ray falls in love with Tina, who's being abused by Jack. Tina leaves Jack for Ray, and Jack goes batfuck nuts and kills his coworkers. When he learns Tina is pregnant with Jack's baby, Ray settles down. It's a plot full of rapping friends, reverse sexual harassment, and a climactic rooftop showdown with an escaped Jack.

"Wanna Run That By Me Again?"

And "Huh" Spelled Backwards Is Still "Huh"
"God spelled backwards is dog! And men are fleas on a dog's back." WTF?

"Let's Up The Rating To 'R'"

"Let's Up the Rating to Are You Kidding Me?!"
If you're starting to wonder if every scene in the film is clipworthy, so was I at this point. Ray hits on a curvaceous woman in a parking lot and rhymes at her. Then SHE starts doing it. The Corvette seals the deal and BAM, no transition, the tits are out. I am wondering at this point if they're planning to do most/all of the movie in rhyme. They then lack-of-transition into a street rap routine. Why? Don't know.

Worst Cover Copy

Because There Can Be Only ... What Do You Mean That's Taken?
Ray is the one man who is the one man when there can only be one man. First still: Not in the film. Other Everything sufficiently cheesy.

Worst Acting

Millicent Alley as Cheri (on Top)
He thought he was going to get back with Cheri now that she's a "big star," but she has other plans: Revenge. And horrible, horrible, horrible acting! Aaaaaagh!

Worst Picture

He Thinks He's "Undah Dawg"
Ray has a way with the ladies. A moronic way. He rhymes while he's doing them. Then he leaves a "see ya" note on their pillow and reads it from just off camera (you can easily tell by the echo). It's like the ghetto version of Underdog: "Where there be honies I am not slow/It's hip-hop hip and I nail dat ho'!"

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Stan Derain writer/actor/fight choreographer/soundtrack performer/executive producer/producer of City Dragon ... and no other imdb credits ... yes, alias "M.C. Kung Fu" 
John Williams good God, not that John Williams! 
Millicent Ally  
J. Bernard Kighten  
Director Claim to Fame
'Philthy' Phil Phillips director/screenplay/actor/soundtrack writer and performer/producer on City Dragon, and no other imdb entries 

Bryan Cassidy

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