The Cold (1984)
The Game

Nomination Year: 2013
SYNOPSIS:  Three eccentric millionaires get their kicks by offering a cool (ha!) million to one of a group of young people. The catch: the winner must be the "last man standing" after attempting to spend the weekend at their compound. What ensues is a series of strange encounters and booby traps, where people go missing as much as get killed one by one. A mysterious hunchback appears from time to time. In the end, it looks like the hunchback is really a cop….or is he?! And the deaths were all faked…or were they?! And maybe a mysterious power/creature really was unleashed by the millionaires' shenanigans… OR WAS IT?!

Stupidest-Looking Monster

The (Not-So) Giant (Not-So) Spider Invasion, Home Version
It's subtle, but you can hear the Sheriff's office scene from The Giant Spider Invasion playing in the background (with Alan Hale, Jr.). Something's under the sheets! You think it's a spider, 'cause there's a real one in the room with her. Then: POW! Up pops an Aliens/Cujo/E.T. puppet sneezing blood on our heroine!

"Whoops!"

Sauna Reflective Note...
A good LUTRTR and in the middle of it: Reflection of boom operator in all his glory!

"WHAT?!"

An Out-of-Boa Experience
For no apparent reason, the law student's astral body goes for a swim with a big snake in the pool. Then we're a fly on the wall. Or something. No clue.

Smithee Award Winner! Crummiest Ending

Cold and Crummy End
Suddenly this cold-creature appears and turns on the gamesters, who appear to have been frozen to death in the sauna. Walker comes back and witnesses the creature, then leaves. But…was this all just another level of the crazy millionaires' games? No clue. Even the narrator doesn't' t know or care.

Worst Acting

I'll Show You. I'll Make It.
J.D. gets "mad." Listen to him emote!

Smithee Award Winner! Worst Picture

Fake Accent Alert!
Southern-type guy is bad acting as he explains the Game.

Smithee Award Winner! Worst Picture

It Must Be Mardi-GRASS
Day. Dumb scene. Then...hallway with rinky-tink piano music and unknown people dancing in costumes?? Then it's night.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Tom Blair NO relation to Linda 
Jim Iaquinta Was in Rana: Legend of Shadow Lake 
Carol Perry NO relation to Luke 
Stuart Osborne NO relation to Ozzy 
Director Claim to Fame
Bill Rebane Composed the music for The Giant Spider Invasion, which he then exploited in his other films 

Bryan Cassidy

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© 2011-2019 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.