Strike Commando (1987)

[+]

(Foreign Titles)

Nomination Year: 2013

SYNOPSIS: The hero has the totally wrong voice for this. I swear, half the time it sounds like they purposely dubbed in "Screamin'" Sam Kinison's trademark yell for the more intense parts. Anyhow, this movie is best described as a video game on film. The setup: A corrupt Colonel betrays the Strike Commandoes: The Best of the Best of the… (sound familiar?). While on a vital mission, the Col. Orders the explosives set off a minute early, killing all but one of the Strikers! The remaining guy, Ransom, then blazes a trail of (slow) vengeance which leads through several levels of enemies, including the Russian level boss, Jakoda, and eventually (after the war) to the evil traitor Radek himself! Nearly every scene has bad guys (mainly straw-hatted VCs) doing the bullet dance (very little blood). Grenades cause enemies to fly 10 feet in every direction, dead, even when the bang is clearly far away. That kind of thing. Add a loyal Major for behind-the-scenes support, a cute kid he bonded to and who later dies in his arms for pathos, and "SHOOT HERE" villains, and you've got…well…really every cheesy action revenge flick ever made.

Bryan Cassidy

Smithee Award Nominations

Oblivious

A Series of Oblivious Events

Event #1: Their Time in the Spotlight Almost like a Three Stooges routine, when the spotlight hits them, one says "Get down!" and they drop lamely to the ground, one even moving his head still. The light slowly passes over them AND the obvious, gaping hole in the chain link without incident, and then actually *pauses* just to their left. They're still about 20% in the beam when one says "Okay, let's go!" and they move! They're STILL moving when the spot comes back and pins them right while they're scrambling through huge hole! Uhoh--the jig is up! No, wait. It moves on. The guard didn't notice. Event #2: Smoked Out…Uh, No, Wait… Bad guy goes out for a cigarette, and the good guys are caught in the open--RIGHT THERE. They freeze and half-crouch. Nope. The bad guy just moseys on. Whew. Event #3: "Halt! Who Goes There? Knife-Wielding Maniac? You May Pass." "Finally," you think, "ONE alert guard!" One of the baddies brandishes his weapon and shouts something at the guy not-even-half-concealed by the skimpy tree. Our intruder slowly draws his throwing knife. Instead of shooting, the Asian guard *turns away* after muttering what must be "Huh, must've been the wind." in Vietnamese or whatever. GAK! Knife in the back. I know this clip is long, guys, but you gotta see it to believe it.

Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

"Wanna Run That By Me Again?"
Now It's Personal! The touching, tear-filled final goodbye to Short Round--er, I mean this Vietnamese kid. His emoting and the final shout are awesome.	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

"Cutting Butter With A Chainsaw"
BOOM Depot Now we saw them plant like three charges, tops. Now we get THIS?! Even the guy at the end doesn't buy it.	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

"WHAT?!"
"Ameri-can! Ameri-can!" It takes a village to freak out a recovering American soldier… While the French Gabby Hayes cheers them on.	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Crummiest Ending

Metalmouth

Aaaaannnnd….just when you think it's over, the big Russian he "killed" a few scenes back comes back sporting metal choppers ("Jaws" from James Bond was big back then). He attacks! After a struggle, the Russian gets a faceful of grenade and blows up spectacularly. Ransom quips: "These Russian dentists. They make some pretty good dentures." Then he has a final spiel about "Any similarity…etc., etc." THE END Worst Picture, Alas,

Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Directors

Director	Claim to Fame
Bruno Mattei	Has 20 directing pseudonyms, rivaling the great Godfrey Ho in that department.

Cast

Actor	Character	Claim to Fame
Reb Brown	<Not Yet in Database>	Perennial character actor in fantasy movies and on TV. "Starred" in Space Mutiny (Dave Ryder), as the titular Yor, the Hunter from the Future, and 1979's flop version of Captain America. Among many other Smithee-worthy trash.
Christopher Connelly	<Not Yet in Database>	Henry in Benji; AKA Chris[topher] Connel[l]y.
Alex Vitale	<Not Yet in Database>
Luciano Pigozzi	<Not Yet in Database>
Louise Kamsteeg	<Not Yet in Database>


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