The Mutant Chronicles (2008)

Nomination Year: 2015
SYNOPSIS:  This is a movie based on a Swedish RPG starring Ron Perlman, Sean Pertwee, and John Malkovich. Really. Even better, it's filmed in a washed-out near black & white, and then selectively recolorized for artistic effect. Also really. Unfortunately.

At the end of the last ice age, an alien machine crashed to Earth and started turning people into homicidal, zombie-like mutants who can only be harmed by explosives or swords, before being disabled and buried by a group of monks known as the Brotherhood. Now, the world is ruled by four megacorporations, locked in an endless war with each other using WWI-ish technology. This is basically irrelevant to the movie, but it was probably the basis for character classes or something in the RPG.

Anyway, the machine has turned itself back on and mutants are reappearing and are on the path to wiping out all life on Earth. The rich are fleeing to Mars and everyone else is just running around getting slaughtered. Everyone, that is, except Ron Perlman, a Brotherhood monk who decides to assemble a group of the best soldiers from all sides of the conflict (the PCs) and lead them into the underground complex where legend says the machine is buried (the dungeon) to find it and turn it off, stopping the mutant plague and saving the world (the quest). Yes, Ron Perlman lives in a remote mountaintop monastery and transportation networks have been completely overwhelmed by the panic surrounding the end of the world, but fortunately all the best soldiers from each of the four factions can quickly and easily be found and brought together (the inn).

With the party assembled in a completely believable and unforced manner, they embark on a steamtech aircraft for the dungeon, the location of which is helpfully detailed in Ron Perlman's book (the map). Once they get near the dungeon, though, mutants in a captured steamtech aircraft show up to shoot them down, allowing the filmmakers to get the part where the black guy dies out of the way quickly. The second session gets the PCs to the dungeon entrance, after some silliness with a refugee ship, and the Asian guy dies guarding their backs. Shortly thereafter, the hero spots Sean Pertwee getting dragged off to get mutantized and strikes off on his own to save him, which he doesn't. Meanwhile, the lieutenant falls off a bridge and gets surrounded by mutants from which there is no escape, but he's white so everybody else jumps off the bridge into the mutant horde with him, allowing the hispanic guy to get killed instead.

With all the minorities dead, it's time to start killing off the non-hero white people, starting with the men and, even more surprisingly, starting with Ron Perlman. Never fear, though; this is just so that he has time to get mutantized so that he can reappear later as the final boss. Anyway, the hero comes back and they finish killing off the non-hero white guys and then get to start killing off the women. Once that's accomplished, the way is clear for the hero and Ron Perlman to have the final boss fight and then for the hero to shoot the machine into space like an annoying janitor, saving the world and ending the campaign.

At this point, you may be thinking that I didn't actually mention John Malkovich in this review. You are correct.


The Mutant Chronicles(Left 2): We clearly see several times that Ron Perlman's right arm has beenreplaced with a pointy mutant blade. Then, in the last shot, it's perfectlynormal.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Ron Perlman "Beast" in Beauty & the Beast, among many others 
Sean Pertwee Son of Dr. Who, Jon Pertwee 
Thomas Jane one of the non-Dolph Punishers 
John Malkovich amazing actor; doesn't belong here 
Director Claim to Fame

Greg Pearson

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