Cosmos: War of the Planets (1977)
Cosmo 2000 - Planet Without a Name
War of the Planets

Nomination Year: 2016
SYNOPSIS:  The film opens with explosions in space and asteroids flying by a space ship. The crew are afraid that they are going to be hit, but their ship's computer, named Wiz, tells them that they were seeing the "refraction" of an event that took place millions of years ago. Overjoyed, the ship's crew hug and kiss each other.

On arrival back on Earth, Captain Mike Hamilton slaps a fellow officer. He tells the base commander that the other officer did not give him a command personally, but told him to follow the directions of a computer.

Hamilton hates machines.

Hamilton and his ship (the MK-31) are sent to repair an automated satellite. One of the crew floats over to the satellite and starts work alone. Hamilton is angry, and predicts that the acid in the battery will eat through the astronaut's suit. He is correct. Hamilton himself goes to rescue the screaming astronaut, barely managing to save his life.

Later, a pair of astronauts wish to be intimate so they recline on separate beds while a machine resembling the Death Star plays a light show between them. Elsewhere, Hamilton tells a female crew member that he doesn't like mechanized intimacy and kisses her. The scene ends with her telling him that the old-fashioned way was better.

Hamilton hates machines.

The ship is sent to investigate an unstable planet. Once there, two flying saucers are seen orbiting it. The sensors of the ship state that these alien machines have "disintegrators" and Hamilton commands that they be destroyed - but they strike first and the MK-31 starts to spin quickly. Eventually Hamilton gets the ship's engines to counteract the spin and the ship lands on the planet.

A portal on the surface of the planet teleports anyone who walks through it into an underground cavern. The first two people through are attacked. The main body of explorers meet a race of green people who have pointed ears. Their elder telepathically says that they are under the control of an evil computer. The astronauts pledge to help the inhabitants of the planet escape their enslavement.

Hamilton hates machines.

Hamilton and a crewman use the portal device to teleport into the computer's main room. The computer demands that they repair it, so that it can conquer the galaxy. It taunts the pair by calling them, in a rather distinctive voice, "Earth-lings." Hamilton and crewman decide not to repair it, and instead destroy the computer.

Hamilton hates machines.

Hamilton and crew flee from a killer robot sent by the dying computer. The explosion of the computer disrupts the unstable planet as well. The spaceship crew and a sole surviving alien set off for Earth. En route, the crewman who was using the sex-machine room reveals that he was possessed by the computer and goes on a killing spree. The alien eventually manages to subdue him, heroically sacrificing his own life. The crew of the MK-31 celebrate their narrow escape and Hamilton orders their return to Earth. The computer Wiz acknowledges the command, and its voice changes to that of the planet's computer, including its use of the word "Earth-lings."

Most Ludicrous Premise

Evil alien slot machine wants you to fix it so it can conquer you.

Inane Dialogue

I will annihilate you! Boom

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
John Richardson  
Director Claim to Fame
Alfonso Brescia he also wrote Choke Canyon 

Matt Quirk

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© 2011-2019 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.