Click to See Cover!
Beastmaster II: Through the Portal of Time (1991)
Beastmaster 2

Nomination Year: 1993
SYNOPSIS:  In the magical world of Dar the Beastmaster, a sorceress in the employ of her evil overlord discovers a portal to another world. The world is called "Allay" ("L.A.," that is), where resides a device which will make the overlord invincible. You guessed it -- it's a nuke. The Beastmaster and his animal companions must follow the bad guys to our modern-day Earth and, with the help of the obligatory gorgeous California babe, he must stop them from taking over both worlds!

Most Ludicrous Premise

It's Not Even That Much of a Stretch
The sorceress Lyranna explains to her master Arklon that she's invented/discovered a portal from their world of magic to a barbaric land of total destruction: L.A.


Well, They Are Messing with Time
Of course, the nuke gets activated at the end and the red, digital, LED countdown begins. An expert is called in to defuse the bomb and he bumbles through it while the timer ticks: 30, 29, 28... Cut to worried looks from the other cast members. 28, 27, 26, 25... Things are starting to really get tense. 27, 26, 25... Will he make it!? 40, 39, 38... Now a lot of films use the countdown to build tension, and some are obviously not, shall we say, "real time." But this one is the most glaringly FAKE countdown I've ever seen. The counter not only goes backwards at several points, but when the timer actually does get down to four or so and they cut away yet again, you can still easily count like this: "4, 3, 2, 1, ZERO! Uh, ZERO! Zero. Zero? Hello? Zero?" Naturally, this gives the bomb squad ample time to succeed.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Marc Singer Dar the Beastmaster and Mike Donovan on V 
Wings Hauser Plays a lot of over-the-top psycho villains; looks like Rutger Hauer 
Sarah Douglas The Phantom Zone chick (Ursa) from Superman II; plays a lot of fantasy/sci-fi villainesses 
Kari Wuhrer "Maggie" on Sliders 
Robert Z'Dar It'd be hard to find anyone whose face is puffier; huge ex-wrestler. 
Charles Young also did stunts on Beastmaster 2 
Director Claim to Fame
Sylvio Tabet Directed Evilspeak and the Beastmaster series 

Bryan Cassidy

To the Film Gallery Return to Lobby
[Smithee Film Gallery] [Return to Lobby]

© 2011-2019 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.