| Tagline(s): | They Have Always Been Here |
What happens when would-be filmmakers have waaay too much time and money on their hands during a global pandemic? This.
Here, for instance, is a movie called Alien Prophecy with no aliens, and very little prophecy. We'll give them the latter, but you have to watch it like twice before you understand what's going on with the prophecy.
The plot? *deep breath* Here goes: A Hawaiian Ninja assassin who seems to keep finding himself stranded on desert islands works his way up to becoming a member of the dreaded "Shanghai Group," apprently responsible for every major disaster/killing/Bad Thing since Biblical times...and...
Wait, getting ahead of ourselves. Let's go back. Many eons ago, when the Earth was coolilng, an exotic (though not by any means alien) rock plowed into the Moon, creating a vein of what has been described as "a million times more combustible than anything on Earth."
Fast-forward to modern times, where a female jogger falls down while jogging and gains the gift of Prophecy (yeah, just like that). She (apparently) foresees the end of the world because of this moon-substance.
The middle of the film is a patchwork crazy-quilt of locations and name-dropping: Uncharted islands! Iraq! Peru! Shanghai! Every scene a new locale! And a new insane thing happening there. Assassination attempts in the Outback! A firefight with pool cues in Paris! A Kung-Fu-Jitsu duel in God-Knows-Where!
In the end, it turns out Prophecy-Girl was the Hawaiian ninja's Hawaiian sister! And she was able to take the remote control from him and blow up the moon-stuff. World saved. And perhaps the ninja's soul as well...
Got that? Because there's gonna be a quiz later...
Lawrence Franzen
Sarah Attrill
Barika A. Croom
Jason Carlage
