Billed as "NARRATED BY ROD SERLING," it's more like they took some discarded bits of his recordings and strung them together into a bookend series of cryptic nonsense in this anthology of three supposedly weird tales, which are basically three tired old urban legends padded out into a slow, laughably trite feature-length movie.
The first segment: Some rowdy boys goad a gullible friend into thinking he's going to get laid at a girl's house, but they send him to a random address where the owner accidentally shoots and kills him. The kid's mother suddenly manifests a curse-like power (one presumes) and dooms each of the three yoots to die in three consecutive weeks. And they do. And our soul dies a little each time they have her repeat the curse in the movie...seven times in all...
The second segment: In the days of yesteryear, a kid loses his dog but finds a Bottomless Pit to Hell. Strange noises and steam continually rise from the pit. The whole town's in a tizzy. When the kid's dad gets lowered into the pit, he comes back out totally insane.
The third segment: That hackneyed urban legend of the Girl on the Bridge (or Highway, or Graveyard) that gets picked up as a hitchhiker, only to disappear when the kind motorist reaches her destination. The driver then goes up to the house, only to be told by the person living there some variation of: "Oh, no, not again. Yes, there was a girl. She was my daughter/wife/niece/the previous occupant's fourth cousin, and on the anniversary of her death by auto accident, she hitchhikes from where she died to here, where she lived. She's trying forever to get home." Only this version tells a whole backstory of a couple eloping when tragedy struck, and inserts an insipid song. One wonders why the young man's restless spirit didn't ALSO hang around after the crash. Talk about ghosting someone...
Did I mention the witch-lady's curse?
Bryan Cassidy
Smithee Award Nominations
"Alas, Poor Yorick"
Sorry, Wrong Address!
Johnny was told he'd get laid by "Darlene" if he goes to this address...instead, he gets laid out by a granny with a gun. Accidentally, of course, but the delivery is priceless: "...and I certainly don't want to hurt anyone--BANG!"
Was the dialogue director for Attack of
the the Eye Creatures, and we all know
how great that dialogue was. Was in both
versions of The Trial of Lee Harvey
Oswald.
Plays meek/mild/weasley parts; Was Prof.
E. J. Parsafoot on BOTH "Tarzan and the
Super 7" and "Jason of Star Command."
Had bit parts in Liar, Liar
and Fight Club...but he
doesn't talk about it...