Cyclone (1987)

Smithee Award Nominations

"Cutting Butter With A Chainsaw"

Cycle of Violence

Heather is on the ultra-cycle, fleeing from the bad guys. One evil woman is chasing her on a (normal) cycle; the other baddies are in a car way behind. Heather finally gets tired of running and decides to fight. She screeches to a halt, whipping her super-cycle around to face the oncoming motorcycle. Heather fires laser bursts from the Cyclone, but misses four times. However, Evil Woman was distracted enough on that last near-miss to lose control of her cycle and plow into a parked car -- CRASH! She and her bike fly into the air! But Heather's still feeling cranky. While the rider is in mid-air, she fires rear-mounted surface-to-air missiles at her foe! BOOM! The parked car explodes right under the flying body! The (burnt) rider lands, followed soon after by her cycle -- right on top of her. But Heather's not done yet. Coming up fast is the car carrying the rest of the bad guys. A short blast from one of the Cyclone's weapons causes a spectacular Stephen J. Cannell flip-crash (remember "The Dukes of Hazzard" and "The A-Team?"). One baddie (Evil Woman's beau) crawls out and staggers to his badly-injured feet. He sees the remains of his girlfriend and screams at Heather: "I'll kill you!!!" Not a smart tactic. Heather dons her motorcycle helmet. Twin laser beams stab out from the helmet and incinerate the baddie (complete with that familiar man-on-fire dance). Ouch.

Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Directors

Director	Claim to Fame
Fred Olen Ray	If there's a contender for worst, most prolific Bad Director ever to (dis)grace Hollywood, he might be second only to Roger Corman. His schlocky cinema sins are legion, too many to note here. Claims nearly every one of his absolutely ridiculous plots is true. Oh, AND he wrestles under the name "Fabulous" Freddy Valentine.

Cast

Actor	Character	Claim to Fame
Heather Thomas	Teri Marshall	Gorgeous blonde in Zapped and on "The Fall Guy."
Jeffrey Combs	<Not Yet in Database>	Prolific D-list actor and voice-actor. In addition to being the original Re-Animator (Dr. Herbert West), he was Weyoun and Brunt on "ST: DS9"; the voice of Ratchet on "Transformers Prime"; Commander Shran on "Star Trek: Enterprise"; and the voice of The Question from "Justice League Unlimited."
Ashley Ferrare	<Not Yet in Database>
Martine Beswick	Waters	Brunette knockout Bond Girl in Thunderball and From Russia with Love. Then kinda spiraled into Bad Movies.
Martin Landau	Bosarian	Prolific and famous actor, star of "Mission: Impossible" and "Space 1999." Won an Academy Award for his role as Bela Lugosi in Tim Buron's Ed Wood.
Dar Robinson	<Not Yet in Database>
Robert Quarry	Knowles	Film's Count Yorga and actor in much sci-fi/horror film and TV.
Troy Donahue	Bob Jenkins	Famous and prolific actor who started as a teen heartthrob. Was Johnny Hunter in A Summer Place, Sandy on "Surfside 6," Merle in Godfather Part II...then degenerated into a whole lot of Bad. Dr. Alien. Terminal Force, Nudity Required, Omega Cop...
Dawn Wildsmith	Hanna	Eva in Surf Nazis Must Die and Muffin in Star Slammer.
Michael Sonye	<Not Yet in Database>	WEIRD resume: Uncle Impie (The Imp) in Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama; Krago in The Adventures of Taura: Prison Ship Star Slammer; Jake the Bartender in Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers; Karp in Roller Blad Warriors: Taken by Force; Simon Ziegler in Disgusting Spaceworms Eat Everyone
Huntz Hall	Long John	Best known as "Satch" of The Bowery Boys.
Bruce Fairbairn	Lt. Cutter	Was Chris Owens on "The Rookies" and Ray Geary on "Knots Landing." Oh, and Ellis Stockman in Do You Know the Muffin Man?


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