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Death Spa (1988)
Witch Bitch

Nomination Year: 1994
SYNOPSIS:  A newly-opened health spa turns out to be quite unhealthy for its patrons. A series of peculiar malfunctions are killing and maiming the paying customers. True, death is unbeatable for losing weight fast, but I still wouldn't recommend it. As the bizarre death-toll mounts, it appears that the jealous computer expert is out to sabotage the enterprise, but in reality it's the ghost of the owner's fiancee exacting her revenge for past wrongs.

Most Ludicrous Premise

Killer Workout, Dude
We're supposed to swallow a possessed health spa? To illustrate this idiocy, we used this clip. There's a beefy jock in a computerized arm-pumping machine, working on his abs. You hear the machine's feminine computer-voice slowly counting up the weight: "100 pounds...105 pounds...110 pounds." Abruptly (you guessed it), the voice gets fast "200...250...300." The guy starts yelling for help, and though several people are on hand, nobody seems to be able to stop his arms from being pulled back to the point where blood spurts from his sides and he dies. Okay. First of all, why doesn't he just get up from the damn machine? He's not restrained or strapped to it in any way, yet neither he nor anybody around him has the brains to say: "Put your arms down, dimwit!" Secondly, let's assume that his arms did get wrenched back farther than humanly possible. Since when is this fatal? Dislocations, fractures, okay -- but death? The guy was in tip-top condition! Argh!

"Alas, Poor Yorick"

Hey, Nice Tie!
One of the staff enters the great big walk-in freezer to get some supplies for the bar. That's when things start to get seriously supernatural. Objects begin flying around, sure, but that's nothing compared to the pi├Ęce de resistance: one of the dead, frozen fish -- a 3-foot long, skinny pike, it looks like -- comes back to life and flies at the guy's throat. They lock in combat for a bit, but in the end, the fish tears out its hapless victim's jugular. Something really stinks, if you ask me; but don't ask me why they'd serve pike at a health club. Believe it or not, it was a toss-up whether to include this clip or the one where the person's eaten by a blender.

Worst Cover Copy

Death Spa -- Killer Workout
Something about a "killer workout?"

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
William Bumiller  
Brenda Bakke was also in L.A. Confidential as "Lana Turner" 
Merritt Butrick  
Rosalind Cash Was in soaps and many an African- American sitcom 
Director Claim to Fame
Michael Fischa  

Bryan Cassidy

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