Nomination Year: 2025

SYNOPSIS: 

A true story! At least according to Fred Olen Ray...who says that about everything, up to and including Evil Toons.

A weird troll-like creature appears in a park, kills a couple people, then dies. It's got raw diamonds around its neck. This prompts a rag-tag group of treasure hunters to mount an expedition to the caves. Yes, they find a whole bunch of those creatures down there...along with hot babes and an alien queen.

Smithee Award Nominations

Best One-Liner
"If You Don't Do What I Say, I'll Kill You" "From here on, we deal strictly with the unknown. If you value your lives, you'll do exactly what I say, when I tell you." "And how will that save our lives?" "If you don't do what I say, I'll kill you."

"Whoops!"
Crew Arm Is Exposed As the heroes pilot the confiscated alien "tram car," they head past a turnoff. A crew member is just sort of STANDING there.

"Let's Up The Rating To 'R'"
Sure, Fred, Whatever You Say [Still] Opening text claims it's all a true story. Suuuurrrre.

Tits Out for Fred Olen Ray Cave Bunny wrestles a cavewoman guard (on some conveniently-placed sheepskins). In the process, both their cave-bras get removed. And Cave Bunny basically goes the rest of the film topless. Yay!

Directors

Director	Claim to Fame
Fred Olen Ray	If there's a contender for worst, most prolific Bad Director ever to (dis)grace Hollywood, he might be second only to Roger Corman. His schlocky cinema sins are legion, too many to note here. Claims nearly every one of his absolutely ridiculous plots is true. Oh, AND he wrestles under the name "Fabulous" Freddy Valentine.

Cast

Actor	Character	Claim to Fame
Ross Hagen	Cort Eastman	Not only did he play "Rommel" in the Smithee/MST3K "classic" film The Sidehackers, he also produced it.
Jeffrey Combs	Andrew Paris	Prolific D-list actor and voice-actor. In addition to being the original Re-Animator (Dr. Herbert West), he was Weyoun and Brunt on "ST: DS9"; the voice of Ratchet on "Transformers Prime"; Commander Shran on "Star Trek: Enterprise"; and the voice of The Question from "Justice League Unlimited."
Dawn Wildsmith	Eddy Colchilde	Eva in Surf Nazis Must Die and Muffin in Star Slammer.
Robert Quarry	Prof. Strock	Film's Count Yorga and actor in much sci-fi/horror film and TV.
Russ Tamblyn	Bill	A long film and television career (he'll be a Jet to his dying day - West Side Story); father of actress Amber Tamblyn.
Sybil Danning	The Alien Queen	Gorgeous and famous blonde actress with perhaps a bit of a lapse in judging scripts. She loves the cheesy fantasy and sci-fi, especially werewolves. Was in Halloween (2007 version), Battle Beyond the Stars, Amazon Women on the Moon (as Queen Lara), Warrior Queen, Hercules as Adriana. And many other Smithee-level schlock.
Michael Sonye	Picnic Guy	WEIRD resume: Uncle Impie (The Imp) in Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama; Krago in The Adventures of Taura: Prison Ship Star Slammer; Jake the Bartender in Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers; Karp in Roller Blad Warriors: Taken by Force; Simon Ziegler in Disgusting Spaceworms Eat Everyone

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