Fight of the Dragon
Tagline(s): | Cross it at your peril. |
No Reasons! No Rules! No Submission! No Mercy! | |
A warrior torn between loyalty and honor. | |
He will bring her back alive whatever the cost. |
This is a swords & sorcery movie where the swords are guns and the dragons are surplus Soviet attack helicopters. There are no bridges. The setting is a mountainous kingdom where the ruling class is Asian, the working class is Croatian, and the warrior class is Dolph Lundgren. The beloved king died years ago in what everybody seems to sincerely believe was a tragic accident. Since then, General Ruechang has ruled as regent for the underage Princess Halo. But now the Princess is of age and is to marry the General to cement his hold on the throne. She is less than thrilled at this prospect, especially when her elderly lady in waiting tells her that she witnessed the General murder the former King
Meanwhile, Dolph leads the General's men in an attack on a rebel outpost, blowing up lots of surplus Soviet military equipment in the process. Back in the capital, the Princess fakes illness in the middle of the wedding ceremony, then escapes on horseback when no one is looking. She seeks the rebel army to lead her people and avenge their fallen king to win the throne for her. The General sends his best and most trusted soldier, Dolph, in pursuit in a Jeep. The Princess is immediately captured by peasants with poor dental health who want to do unspeakable things to her, but is rescued by Dolph, who kills the peasants and prepares to take her back to the city. She tries to talk him into letting her go, fails, distracts him with an obvious ploy, sabotages his Jeep, and escapes on horseback, only to be immediately captured by peasant slave traders who want to sell her to someone who wants to do unspeakable things to her. Peasants just aren't what they used to be, apparently.
Dolph shows up, stampedes the slave traders' horses and rescues her again. She again tries to persuade him to let her go so she can raise a peasant army (since this has worked so well for her so far) and overthrow the General. Not one to fall for the same obvious trick twice, Dolph drags her to a nearby airbase where he discovers that he really should have brought some ID or something. After dissuading the local soldiers from doing unspeakable things to the Princess (by kicking the crap out of them), he radios back to the city for a surplus Soviet helicopter to come pick them up. The General arrives in his personal surplus Soviet helicopter (#666), takes custody of the Princess, and slaps her for daring to escape. Dolph finds this persuasive in exactly the way the Princess's arguments weren't, kicks the crap out of the General, shoots a bunch of soldiers (but not the General, despite ample opportunity), and hijacks the helicopter. This leads to a surplus Soviet helicopter chase which eventually ends with the bad guys' surplus Soviet helicopter shooting down the good guys' surplus Soviet helicopter. This is followed by a foot chase, where Dolph and the Princess flee across fields while the bad surplus Soviet helicopter hovers menacingly behind them as its crew alternates behind announcing that they don't want to hurt the Princess and firing air-to-ground missiles at her
Eventually, the filmmakers get bored and they escape, soon arriving at the Main Rebel Base. Good news: The rebels are thrilled to have the Princess come lead them and don't want to do unspeakable things to her. Bad news: They're a bunch of lazy, disorganized non-combatants, all the competent ones apparently having been killed by Dolph back at the beginning of the movie. The Princess orders Dolph to turn them into a competent fighting force. The two share a moment. The next morning, Dolph surveys his new army, considers their prospects once given proper training and competent leadership, and concludes that his best course of action is to sneak into the city by himself and assassinate the General exactly like he didn't back at the airbase.
He takes a horse and heads off. As soon as he's sufficiently far away, the General and his troops arrive in his remaining surplus Soviet helicopter, massacre the rebels, capture the Princess, and send Dolph's best friend to capture him. This turns out to be a bad plan. BFF returns to town with "proof" of Dolph's death and the General announces the wedding is back on. The Princess secretly poisons the wedding chalice. The wedding begins and the General, suspecting a trick, orders her to drink first. Just then, the Lady in Waiting bursts in and tells everyone the General assassinated the King years ago. Dolph bursts in heroically and a massive firefight breaks out between the wedding guests who remain loyal to the General (who are conveniently all wearing brown) and the wedding guests who go over to the Princess's side (who are conveniently all wearing blue). As befits a good fairy tale, the Monarchy is restored and everyone lives happily ever after (well, except for all those people who got shot; but everybody important lives happily ever after).