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N.I.A: Ninja In Action (1986)

Nomination Year: 1999
SYNOPSIS:  The so-called "plot" of this film seems to be little more than a lame excuse to string together pointless sex and fight scenes. But ostensibly, its the story of a woman whose father was killed by a ninja. She brings her boyfriend to town to avenge her father's death. Did I mention that the boyfriend is an ex-ninja, too, and that the same Master Ninja ("Mr. X") killed his teacher? Anyway, when they're not having sex, the two dig up clues and capture ninjas until they discover Mr. X's whereabouts. Then, in a climactic fight, the "hero" defeats Mr. X and removes the evil one's ninjitsu.

Smithee Award Winner! Oblivious

Triple Ninja Action: Three Times the Oblivious!
The "hero" gets into a fight with a ninja, who suddenly splits into three! He runs from them into a blind alley and climbs the walls by straddling the alley (we get an unecessary close-up of his crotch). The ninja/s rush/es in and look all around for him (one even briefly looks UP), but don't see him. He gets the drop on them, literally.

Smithee Award Winner! "Let's Up The Rating To 'R'"

Hot Ninja Action!
They show her in the shower, then him having sex with her, for no good reason. They change positions and continue. In bed, he finally decides to establish plot. "So, why are we here?"

Smithee Award Winner!MegaMetaSmithee Award Winner! "Whoops!"

Stunt Double!
During the fight with the ninja leader, the woman gets thrown against a van and splats to the ground, except that she suddenly turns into a midget with darker hair. Hmmm...stunt double, maybe?

Smithee Award Winner! Crummiest Ending

Gets Even That Deep-Down, Hard-To-Reach Ninjitsu
Defeated ninja leader gets his ninjitsu sucked out of him and, instead of attacking the backs of the heroes, kills himself (accompanied by goofy music and blood coming out of his mouth). Then the daughter/heroine runs over to his dead body, and kicks him a couple of times as the boyfriend/hero pulls her away.

Worst Picture

Acupuncture Mind-Control Torture, aka "I'm a Ninja!"
The supposed Good Guys use real torture to make the bad guy talk. All the ninja will say at first is "I'm a ninja!" Is this the ninja version of Name (ninja), Rank (ninja), Serial Number (ninja)? They use a half-assed acupuncture technique to get information, which seems to involve randomly jabbing acupuncture needles into the ninja's back until they hit the Truth-telling spot. Somehow it works.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Stuart Smith  
Louis Roth  
Christine O'Hara  
Director Claim to Fame
Godfrey Ho possibly directed more Smithee films than anyone else - also known as: Alton Cheung, Tommy Cheung, Ho Chi-Keung, Elton Chong, Daniel Clough, Leong Fui Fong, Antonin Gasner, Martin Greenfield, Godfrey Hall, Zhi Jiang He, Benny Ho, Chi-Mou Ho, Chun-Sing Ho, Fong Ho, York Lam, Bruce Lambert, Charles Lee, Frank Lewis, Joe Livingstone, Jerry Sawyer, Victor Sears, Robert Young, Albert Yu 

Bryan Cassidy

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