Ninja Terminator (1985)
Nomination Year: 1999
SYNOPSIS: Another half-Oriental / half-Caucasian ninja picture. The Oriental half involves a guy named Jaguar-One, who is cooler than you are. There's also drug trafficking, kidnapping, and martial arts. The Caucasian half involves something ridiculous called the Ninja(r) Empire, and a golden statue of the Ultimate Ninja(r). The statue is in three pieces, and has been stolen by our hero (Richard Harrison) and his buddies, who have realized that the Ninja(r) Empire is corrupt. The Ninja(r) empire seeks the statue's return, and that's the "plot" of the film.
- Most Ludicrous Premise
Because the "Tickle Me Elmo" Method Just Wasn't Garnering the Proper Respect
The Ninja(r) Empire communicates its displeasure with Richard Harrison by sending him a recording that plays from a little Go-bot-like toy (with sparkler)! It interrupts his phone call (on a Garfield phone, no less). Garfield the Cat -- telephone of the Ninja(r) Empire!
- Inane Dialogue
The Police Should Hear of This
The bad-acting brother of the deceased says, "The police say he was found with pieces of metal in his back. That means someone wanted to kill him."
They're Sensitive about Their Lack of Eateries
Now, I know that in chop-sockey films, fights start for very little reason, but come on!
"I'm looking for a restaurant."
"Oh, yeah? Well, there aren't any restaurants around here!"
- Crummiest Ending
The Ultimate Ninja™! Now in Gold!
The horrific ending fight scene: three (count 'em! three) different ninjas fighting over the pieces of a butt-ugly golden statue. Camouflage ninja (Richard Harrison in heavy makeup) wins, puts the statue back together and his sole surviving opponent commits suicide by making himself explode (I think). The End.
- Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame Richard Harrison best Caucasian Ninja ever! Jang Lee Hwang former taekwondo instructor of the Korean Army Shô Kosugi One of the most famous martial artists on film; Hosts his own "Ninja Theater" series of movies Wong Cheng Il Jonathan Wattis Sing Chen Paulo Tocha Phillip Ko Simon Kim half (along with brother James) of the "Tiger Twins"
Director Claim to Fame Godfrey Ho possibly directed more Smithee films than anyone else - also known as: Alton Cheung, Tommy Cheung, Ho Chi-Keung, Elton Chong, Daniel Clough, Leong Fui Fong, Antonin Gasner, Martin Greenfield, Godfrey Hall, Zhi Jiang He, Benny Ho, Chi-Mou Ho, Chun-Sing Ho, Fong Ho, York Lam, Bruce Lambert, Charles Lee, Frank Lewis, Joe Livingstone, Jerry Sawyer, Victor Sears, Robert Young, Albert Yu
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