Future Kick (1991)

Nomination Year: 2002
SYNOPSIS:  Another Roger Corman movie. According to the opening voice over: In the future, the rich will live on the moon. Earth will be left to the poor, the criminals, and the corporations. To fight crime, they created cyborg supercops designed to root out the corrupt and bring the criminals to justice. But the corporations turned out to be the criminals and they created the fascist corporate police (who are never once referred to without the appellation "fascist") to hunt them down and kill them.

This has nothing to do with the plot of the movie.

In the actual plot, a VR designer who lives on the moon heads to Earth to meet with his publisher. While there, he meets with a corporate whistleblower and obtains evidence that one of the corps is involved in illegal organ trading. Unfortunately, they are promptly killed by the organleggers. The VR designer's wife then comes to Earth to find out what happened to her husband. In passing, she runs into the last surviving android (world kickboxing champion Don "The Dragon" Wilson) (it turns out there were only ten androids to begin with, they were experimental, and they never made it out of LA ... however, the fascist corporate police seem to number in the hundreds, if not thousands). A bunch of other things happen, mostly to the wife, but it's all badly lit and hard to follow.

Just to make it a total rip-off, there's almost no kickboxing.

"Alas, Poor Yorick"

Batter Up!
Batter up! You know the expression "knock his block off"? Normally you don't see it interpreted so literally.

Inane Dialogue

Wanna Bet?
"There's nobody in here."
In the sense that "There's someone in my room."

Crummiest Ending

It's Just Crummy
The wife and the cyborg are running from the fascist corporate police and some other guy. They strap themselves into the chairs for Laserblade (the world's most boring blood sport) and use the Laserblade arena to kill one of the main villains (all the villains look alike and it's really badly lit, so I can't tell who it was). Then something really crummy happens.

Hint: You remember how her husband was a VR designer?....

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Don Wilson "The Dragon"; he can kickbox, not that you'd know it from most of his film appearances 
Meg Foster Bit player famous for her ice-blue eyes 
Chris Penn brother of actor Sean Penn & musician Michael Penn; has a black belt in karate; did not study martial arts with, from, or by Chuck Norris 
Linda Dona  
Beach Dickerson  
Rodger Hall  
Eb Lottimer  
Maria Ford  
Director Claim to Fame
Damian Klaus  

Greg Pearson

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