Beowulf (1999)

Nomination Year: 2005
SYNOPSIS:  It's the legend of Beowulf. Except it stars a bleach-blond Christopher Lambert. And, instead of taking place in Scandinavia, it takes place after the apocalypse.

Deus Ex Machina

A Handy Rope
The women and children are being killed and there's no way into the fortress. Well, except for this handy rope.

Worst Cover Copy

It's Futile, All Right
"It is a story whose origins are lost in the mists of time." Except that the cover then gives us the date. And elaborates on the "techno-futile future" of Beowulf.

Inane Dialogue

Maybe It's the Helmet, Dude
"I can't see it." Then he takes off his completely opaque full-face helmet.

Acting Appropriately Stupid

She Should Have Stayed
After Beowulf rescues the girl from the angry mob which was about to kill her, she takes the first opportunity to sneak away and run back to them (and her death). "She should have stayed," her boyfriend says sympathetically from the battlements.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Christopher Lambert "Connor McLeod" of Highlander fame 
Rhona Mitra "Holly Beggins" on Party of Five; the first live-action "Lara Croft" 
Oliver Cotton  
Director Claim to Fame
Graham Baker Directed Alien Nation 

Greg Pearson

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© 2011-2019 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.