Creepy Crawlers (2000)
Nomination Year: 2004
SYNOPSIS: All I can say is: Poor Dean Stockwell. Anyway, Ben Cahill is an ex-alcoholic physician who's forced to take a vacation on an island in Maine. Little does anyone know that a body has washed up on shore--a body infested with a breed of killer, carnivorous cockroaches! Our doctor must first deal with the emnity of the local yokels, who unfairly hate him as an outsider and as a representative of the big-city bureaucrats who are squeezing the economic life out of the island. The locals become a mob when the doc's most vocal persecuter gets infested with the bugs and happens to die against the doc's right fender. Only the town sheriff (Dean Stockwell) and the gorgeous local general store owner take his side. One messy autopsy later, Ben deduces the real cause of death and tries to get people to evacuate the island. They don't listen, of course, and it's too late: the cockroaches have been busily mutating so that they can fly (isn't that the case in every bug swarm movie?).
- Deus Ex Machina
Yes, But What Happens When the Bugz Reach Boston?
They're in a boat trying to leave the island when the swarm of flyers is upon them. They have no choice but to capsize the boat and go under it. Luckily, though, the Coast Guard is on its way (not that I can see what THEY can do about anything). Luckily, too, the protagonists have a flare pistol with which to signal. Luckily, three, that, on the nearby pier, some yokel was fueling up his boat when the bugs ate him, and the open hose has been spewing jet fuel all over the place for the last ten minutes. Luckily, four, that the flare lands in the flammable liquid and BOOOOOM! Luckily, five, that *every last one* of the cockroaches everywhere on the island were blown up in the fireball. Well...not EVERY one. We cut to a log drifting toward a city (Boston, I think). Out comes a single roach, which takes to the air and flies to the waiting megalopolis. THE END.
- Inane Dialogue
The Charge: Six Counts of Inane Dialogue in the First Degree
The mob of hicks has already (indirectly) killed the sheriff. Now they've punched out Dr. Cahill and are dragging him to the town's only jail cell, where they're already holding Nell. From the cell, Nell shouts Accusatory Inane Dialogue like:
"Let me out of here! [Yeah, right.]
*gasp* So YOU'RE the one responsible for the sheriff's death! [No shit.]
*gasp* You beat up Ben! [Ditto]
Enoch, this is against the law! [Ditto]"
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