Nomination Year: 2005

SYNOPSIS: The Holy Order of the Roller Blade is a group of roller-skating nuns whose holy symbol is a happy-face, in a post-apocalyptic world gone horribly, horribly wrong. Yet if this is so wrong, I don't want to be right.

The nuns are opposed by a group of mutants lead by the evil Doctor Saticoy. The crisis points come when Doctor Saticoy steals the nuns' sacred power crystal, and kidnaps the Sheriff's son.

Smithee Award Nominations

Most Ludicrous Premise
Conehead Lesbian Nuns One of the Nun Faithful reports to Mother Speed that the sacred power crystal has been stolen. The Holy Order of the Roller Blade are the only nuns in existence whose wimples have a reservoir tip.	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Worst Special Effect
The Rocket Sled sequence. The annoying puppet gets burned, but then so do we when we eventually see the ultra-mega-cheesy blue screen effects later.	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

"WHAT?!"
Psychic Healing with the Tools of Love By the power of the Holy Smiley-Face, I use this dagger to HEAL you! Uh, right. Although "Psychic Healing with the Tools of Love" does sound like a prog rock double-bill.	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

"Let's Up The Rating To 'R'"
Sexual Healing Looking like a Lesbian counterpart to the Ku Klux Klan, these women get it on in a hot tub which (we're supposed to believe) heals them. Almost clever the way they wash away each others "injuries" (makeup). Almost. Have a nice day.	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Worst Acting
Jeff Hutchinson, Roller-Skating Sheriff He's the Sheriff. You can tell from his hat. And he's upright and honest. You can tell by the way he uses his "thou"s and "thee"s. In this clip, he attempts to help his son learn to roller skate.	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Worst Picture
More KKK-on-Acid Shenanigans The nuns suit up for battle. They strike only blows which injure their opponents. All their weapons are tools of love. They skate off to rescue three of their number who have been captured by Saticoy's band, and are being made to catfight.	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Directors

Director	Claim to Fame
Donald G. Jackson	aka "Maximo T. Bird" when he felt like it

Cast

Actor	Character	Claim to Fame
Suzanne Solari	<Not Yet in Database>
Jeffrey Hutchinson	<Not Yet in Database>
Erin Michael	<Not Yet in Database>
Sam Mann	<Not Yet in Database>	composed and performed the song "Single Life For Me" on Roller Blade Warriors: Taken By Force
Katina Garner	Mother Speed	Nine credits. Ten too many.

© 1992-2024 Bryan D. Cassidy and Greg Pearson. All Rights Reserved.