Mission of Death (1997)
Merchant of Death

Nomination Year: 2005
SYNOPSIS:  A really crappy film. Michael ParĂ© (of The Philadelphia Experiment and The Greatest American Hero), with his slouchy demeanor and nasal, stupid-sounding voice, is like the bankrupt man's Sly Stallone. He plays Jim Randell, a renegade on-the-edge cop whose family was killed before his eyes when he was 6. With the help of a beautiful police psychiatrist, he uncovers the secrets of his past and goes after those responsible -- with extreme, extreme prejudice. This movie had more Overkills than almost any other I've seen in recent memory.

"Alas, Poor Yorick"

That First Step's a Killer
Jimmy witnesses the cheesy death of his family at the hands of a Hispanic madman. But it's the dad's death that's the most confusing. He gets hit/shot and starts to fall down in what looks to be the middle of a field, but then suddenly -- he's plummeting over a million-foot cliff!

"Cutting Butter With A Chainsaw"

These Things Really Blow (Up)
Here we have a bunch of motorcycles harassing our heroes in a parking garage. The cycles always hit something that explodes when they go down. The CYCLE doesn't explode, mind you, the thing it hits explodes. I particularly like the exploding railing/fence.

"Whoops!"

How Deep Are Those Pants Pockets, Anyway?
He breaks into a warehouse so he can spy on the baddies across the way. But at the door, he has a backpack. Then, he doesn't seem to have it as he's walking through the warehouse. Then, his hand materializes a camera when he looks out the window. It's gone later. Then, suddenly, he has a gun. What's going on?

"WHAT?!"

What Luck! What Luck! What Luck!
This is a nice, cheesy car chase with some tasty elements. You've got the driving-ace friend helping Jim out. He goes up on two wheels in front of a train to escape from the bad guys. At least that's what I think we're supposed to believe. It's hard to tell. Then the baddies in the other car wipe out. Of course they explode, but not just an ordinary explosion. A gas-nozzle-from-nowhere opens up and adds fuel to to the fire. Then, we're supposed to swallow that some incriminating photographs -- just the ones he needs -- were thrown clear, unharmed. Right.

Worst Acting

Ian Yule as Pembroke
Pembroke walks into the scene in the captain's office. You win the prize if you can figure out what the hell accent he's supposed to be mumbling.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Michael ParĂ©  
Linda Hoffman  
Justin Illusion hopefully this is a stage name 
Ian Yule he was a career soldier, so hopefully he never discovers that he lost his only Worst Acting bid 
Director Claim to Fame
Yossi Wein more often a cinematographer than a director 

Bryan Cassidy

To the Film Gallery Return to Lobby
[Smithee Film Gallery] [Return to Lobby]


© 2011-2019 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.