Abraxas (1991)
Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe

Nomination Year: 2007
SYNOPSIS:  There is a cadre of cosmic policemen called Green Lanterns Finders who live for thousands of years (via scientific means ... like ozone layering). They are very much like British policemen in that their job involves resolving situations without killing. Except situations where their superiors think they ought to have used deadly force, in which case they get yelled at for not killing. Indeed, the only hard-and-fast rule on the subject is that you're not allowed to kill a rogue Finder, even if they have gone wingding crazy power-hungry, and are on the verge of destroying the universe.

Secundus (Sven-Ole Thorsen) has escaped to a distant planet ("Earth? Nice name") in order to impregnate a local female (via a pretty lame special effect) and produce an offspring capable of generating the anti-life equation, and thereby making Darkseid Secundus as unto a god. His old partner Abraxas (Jesse Ventura) is sent to apprehend him.

The bulk of the film actually takes place about five years later, when Secundus escapes from prison, and returns to Earth, and Abraxas is sent to bring him in again. I suspect that they couldn't get a five-year-old actor, because all the characters comment on how large he is for five. Regardless, using tracking provided by his Mother box Answer box, Secundus closes in on the boy (and his mother), while Abraxas works to protect them.

Worst Science

There's a Hole in His Ozone Layering
How is Abraxas turned into an extremely-powerful nigh-immortal cosmic guardian of peace? Ozone layering, of course!

"Whoops!"

Stunted Growth
When the kid runs past the old stove and accidentally makes it explode, it's pretty clear that he is replaced by a stunt-man. I guess they didn't have any stunt men that were the size and proportions of a large five-year-old boy....

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Jesse Ventura former professional wrestler; former governor of Minnesota 
Sven-Ole Thorsen also credited as Sven Ole-Thorsen ... as though hyphen placement is optional 
Damian Lee director of such films as Abraxas, No Exit, and Food of the Gods II 
Ken Quinn has several dozen film credits, but primarily as stuntman or stunt coordinator; this is one of his few acting credits 
Layne Coleman  
James Belushi every actor slums sometimes ... his then-wife was a major character in the film 
Director Claim to Fame
Damian Lee  

Kevin Hogan

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