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Abraxas  (1991)
Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe
Zombie 9, Zombies in Space
Tagline(s):An adventure across time and space.
Nomination Year: 2007
SYNOPSIS: There is a cadre of cosmic policemen called Green Lanterns Finders who live for thousands of years (via scientific ozone layering). They are very much like British policemen in that their job involves resolving situations without killing. Except situations where their superiors think they ought to have used deadly force, in which case they get yelled at for not killing. Indeed, the only hard-and-fast rule on the subject is that you're not allowed to kill a rogue Finder, even if they have gone wingding crazy power-hungry, and are on the verge of destroying the universe.

Secundus (Sven-Ole Thorsen) has escaped to a distant planet ("Earth? Nice name.") in order to impregnate a local female (via a pretty lame special effect) and produce an offspring capable of generating the anti-life equation, and thereby making Darkseid Secundus as unto a god. His old partner Abraxas (Jesse Ventura) is sent to apprehend him.

The bulk of the film actually takes place about five years later, when Secundus escapes from prison, and returns to Earth, and Abraxas is sent to bring him in again. I suspect that they couldn't get a five-year-old actor to play the son, because all the characters comment on how large he is for five. Regardless, using tracking provided by his Mother Box Answer Box, Secundus closes in on the boy (and his mother), while Abraxas works to protect them.
Kevin Hogan
Smithee Award Nominations
Worst Science
There's a Hole in His Ozone Layering
How is Abraxas turned into an extremely powerful, nigh-immortal cosmic guardian of peace? A combination of Ozone Layering and bulls***, of course!
Stunted Growth
When the kid runs from an exploding chair, and later past the exploding stove, it's pretty clear that he is replaced by a stunt-man (Ken Quinn, maybe?). I guess they didn't have any stunt men that were the size and proportions of a ten-year-old boy...
Director Claim to Fame
Damian Lee Director of such films as Abraxas, No Exit, and Food of the Gods II
Actor Character Claim to Fame
Jesse Ventura Abraxas Former professional wrestler known as "The Body" and former governor of Minnesota. We can't make this stuff up. 
Sven-Ole Thorsen Secundus Also credited as Sven Ole-Thorsen, as though hyphen placement is optional. Veteran of many a sci-fi offering, Bad and, well, not-quite-as-bad. The voice of Tank on "Captain Power." 
Damian Lee Dar Director of such films as Abraxas, No Exit, and Food of the Gods II
Jerry Levitan Hite  
Ken Quinn Carl Has several dozen film credits, but primarily as stuntman or stunt coordinator; this is one of his few acting credits. Thank goodness. 
Marjorie Bransfield Sonia Murray  
Layne Coleman Registry Clerk  
Jim Belushi Principal Latimer Every actor slums sometimes. Famous "SNL" comedian turned occasional Bad Actor. Had his own TV show, "According to Jim." 
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