Alien Seed (1989)

Nomination Year: 2010
SYNOPSIS:  The Origin Myth of Alien Seed -- or how I envision the conversation that took place between first- (and only-) time director Bob James and his best friend and good drinking buddy, from the latter's point of view.

So I was talking with Bob James the other day and he said to me, "You know what?" and I told him that I know a lot of things and then he says "I really want to make a movie." Just like that, outta the blue. He wants to make a movie. Now you know I ain't one to quash a fella's dreams, but Bob is no Spielberg. In fact, I don't think Bob has ever done any work in Hollywood and as I understand it, you gotta get in from the ground with these things. Or you gotta have a cousin who knows a guy who owes another dude a favor.

Anyway, it seems Bob already had a script, penned by his truly, and his thinking was that the largest chunk of the project was done right there. Now I've seen a lot of film gone wrong, so I says to him, gently like, "You know, Bob, sometimes a script -- even a really good script -- isn't good enough. You gotta have some star power because people ain't gonna come to some flick by Joe Anybody no matter how brilliant the writing."

"Oh, I've thought about that. I'm thinking Erik Estrada as the main villain. An evil scientist."

"Erik Estrada? Like the CHiPs Erik Estrada? You're gonna make Poncherello the bad guy?"

"Oh, he's not going to be the only bad guy. I'm going to have some government agents in there and a new age priest and they're all going to be after this one girl but for different reasons."

"So it's going to be a lot of subterfuge and cloak and dagger chase stuff?"

"That and I'm going to blow up a VW Bug!"

"Why? Does it have something to do with the film?"

"Oh no. I've just always wanted to blow up a VW Bug. I think I'm going to have the girl turn the tables in the end and come at them with a kick-ass Tommy Gun."

"Where's she get the gun?"

Bob just sort of blinks at me like I asked if I could eat his cat for lunch. "I don't know, maybe the aliens. That's not important right now--"

"Hold up...aliens?"

"Yeah, aliens. They impregnate the girl so she can give birth to the alien messiah who will bring peace to the world."

"Oh. You going with your standard Greys or something more exotic?"

"Exotic. Except I'm not sure I really want to use my budget on aliens when most of the action is going to be between the girl, an alien-hunter reporter she meets, and the bad guys looking for them. No, I think I'll go with something more Grey-like after all. Maybe I can get some Cantina masks and some sciency-looking jumper suits and film them all crazy. Say, can I borrow your car? I have this chase scene in mind through a parking ramp and your car handles really well. Dale's going to be driving it."

"Well I guess Dale is a good driver. OK."

"Through the parking ramp gate."

"No way."

"Come on, you know Dale's car drives like a pregnant cow."

"Absolutely not."

"Well, can I at least use your car for the other non-gate-crashing scenes?"

"Just as long as you don't wreck it."

"Cool. Come on. Let's go down to the Mile High Club and talk with Donny. I bet he'd let me film there."

"You're going to put a topless bar in the flick? Because...?"

"Eh, maybe the girl waitresses there. Who cares? Boobies!"

"Can't fault that."

"Do you still have that pyro suit? I'm thinking a good fire stunt is in order."

"The driver of the Bug?"

"Nah. I think that'd be overkill. I'm sort of working out the climactic last battle thing. You know, the agent who gets shot, falls into the pit of burning gasoline and then crawls out only to get shot back into the pit. I think that'd be a satisfying end."


Big Gun = Invisible?
Crazy Old Scientist bursts into a room where Erik's character has been tied up. He unties Erik, and tells Erik that "the girl" (Lisa) is here! Erik is ecstatic. This means that he'll be able to look her in the eyes and kill her, just like he did to her sister. He proceeds to tells Crazy Old Scientist this. Unfortunately, neither Erik (who is facing kinda sorta awayish from the door) or Crazy Old Scientist (who is looking at Erik, so in theory they have the whole room covered with their vision, peripheral and otherwise) notices that Lisa has actually come into the room (carrying quite a large gun) and heard everything that Erik just said.

"Cutting Butter With A Chainsaw"

The Only Way To Be Sure
Lisa rushes to Timmons' rescue. She shoots the government agent, and tosses him into a flaming pit. In the confrontation, Timmons gets shot. She is attending to him when the government agent, on fire, attempts to get out of the pit. She shoots him again and he falls back in.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Erik Estrada "Ponch" on C.Hi.P.s 
Heidi Paine  
David Hayes  
Jodi Blunt  
Director Claim to Fame
Bob James writer/director of Alien Seed, and nothing else (per imdb) 

Jeannette Quirk

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