Hard Rock Zombies (1985)
Rock Zombies

Nomination Year: 2011
SYNOPSIS:  This one almost makes logical sense as you're watching it, if you're willing to strain your suspension of disbelief. All the crazy stuff is set up before it occurs, and it's internally consistent. You will note that at no time do I claim it is "good" or of "quality" of any kind.

A rock band is touring small towns across the country. Their lead guitarist / vocalist, Jessie, has run across a piece of music which purports to be able to bring the dead back to life. In one small town, a girl (Cassie) warns Jessie to turn back, and not continue to the next tour stop! But unfortunately, the big record label executive is waiting at their next stop.

The band picks up a pretty female hitchhiker on their way into town, and she offers to let them stay at her family's house. Of course it's a trap, just not immediately sprung.

The band scouts out the town, immediately running afoul of local law enforcement. Jessie sees Cassie again, and falls deeply in love with her. He records a cassette of a certain song, and asks her, should anything happen (like she warned), to take the cassette to their graves, and play it.

Of course, later that night, the evil family springs their trap. The band is killed one-by-one (Jessie is weed whacked to death!), and all are buried. The band's manager was still in town, trying to smooth things over with the townsfolk, and is stunned and saddened when he hears the news.

The patriarch of the evil family offers the band's manager a job. At this point, the patriarch reveals himself to be ... Adolf Hitler, who has been in hiding all these years. Adolf and family (for of course they are the evil bunch) are ready to regain their rightful place in the world, and build a Fourth Reich that will last forever.

Meanwhile, Cassie plays the tape, and the band revives (they are now the Hard Rock Zombies of the title). The band hunts down and kills Hitler & kin, then goes off to play their show for the record exec (the final thing left undone). They kick serious undead ass, then return to their graves, ready for an eternity of rest.

Unfortunately, the whole "Killed by a zombie? Become a zombie!" thing holds true in this film, and Hitler & kin come back as Living Dead themselves, and are off to terrorize the townsfolk.

It soon becomes obvious that in order to deal with the Hitler family ghouls, one of two things must happen. Either a young virgin (Cassie) must be sacrificed to assuage them, or the four Hard Rock Zombies must be brought back from their graves to properly finish off Adolf, Eva, kids, and grandkids....

Smithee Award Winner!MegaMetaSmithee Award Winner! Most Ludicrous Premise

Ladies and Gentlemen! Now preeesenting! Your Hard! Rock! Zombies!
At the dinner table, the patriarch of the strange family reveals himself to be Adolf Hitler. The Fourth Reich is coming, he says. He and his family march off to an underground television studio to record their new manifesto.

Meanwhile, Cassie is at the band's gravesite. She pops in the cassette that Jessie gave her, and a strange melody begins to fill the air. Suddenly, the dirt in front of the tombstones pulsates, and hands start reaching forth. The band claws their way out of the earth, and stiffly begins to march away from Cassie and back to the house where they were killed....

"Wanna Run That By Me Again?"

Do Not Go To The Head Of The Class. Do Not Collect $200.
A group of townsfolk is trapped instead a building by the ghouls. They are searching desperately for some clue as to how to escape. One of them finds the answer in an obscure book. The others all gather around as he explains: "Ghouls hate heads the way Satan hates the church," he says. Ghouls are the antithesis of intellectual existence, you see. So they cannot stand heads, brains, or anything of that nature. It didn't make sense to me, either, and unfortunately for these townspeople, none of the ghouls read that particular book.

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
Sam Mann composed and performed the song "Single Life For Me" on Roller Blade Warriors: Taken By Force 
Lisa Toothman  
Richard Vidan he went directly from Terminator 2: Judgment Day to Zipperface 
Phil Fondacaro first role was in Under the Rainbow ... stands three feet six inches from head to heel 
John Fleck guest appearances on dozens of shows, including all four of the most recent Star Trek television series.... 
Drew Wilson his son John founded the Golden Raspberry Awards (aka "The Razzies") 
Director Claim to Fame
Krishna Shah also produced Evil Laugh and was in the casting department for Omega Cop 

Kevin Hogan

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© 2011-2017 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.