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Bloodstone  (1988)
Nomination Year: 2009

An American couple on their honeymoon meets an irritating little man on a train. Unfortunately, in addition to being really annoying, the stranger on the train is also an international jewel thief who has stolen a giant ruby for his criminal bosses. Figuring (correctly) that the Americans are less likely to get stopped at customs, he slips the ruby into their luggage, intending to recover it later. Unfortunately, it falls out in the trunk of the cab on the way to the hotel. Now both the crooks and the cops are in pursuit of the newlyweds, after a ruby the couple no longer has. The two principles have a nice bickering-but-loving vibe going and the whole thing appears to be shaping up as a Bollywood Romancing the Stone. Then the wife gets kidnapped by the criminals and pretty much disappears from the last 3/4 of the movie. Instead, the husband teams up with the cabbie, who, for inexplicable reasons, agrees to help him get his wife back. In the end, of course, they do -- the couple is reunited, the ruby is returned to its rightful owners, the heroes collect a large cash reward, and the audience is still scratching its head wondering why the cabbie didn't just sell the ruby to his cousin like he was planning to.

Greg Pearson
Smithee Award Nominations
"Wanna Run That By Me Again?"
From Sex Styles to Textiles

The jewel thief introduces himself to the married couple: "Are you married or just in love?"

"We're in textiles," comes the reply. The conversation goes downhill from there.

Best One-Liner
Ah, the Dignity of Theatre

Our hero falls onto a table, and the villain mispronounces his name in an effete way. The hero corrects him, and the villain is sort-of apologetic.

The villain: "Ah, but what's in a name? - William Shakespeare."

The hero: "Fuck you! - David Mamet."

Director Claim to Fame
Dwight H. Little Directed over 50 flicks, some decent, many Bad. His credits include Broken Arrow, Tekken, Murder at 1600, and Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid
Actor Character Claim to Fame
Brett Stimely Sandy McVey Played JFK in Watchmen. And in Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon. And in Parkland. Guess he looks like him. Kinda. Was also Jean-Pierre in Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death
A.R. Nicholas Stephanie McVey AKA "Anna Nicholas," gorgeous but sadly never made it big. Was Alice in Mutants in Paradise and Claire in Univers'l
Rajinikanth Shyam Sabu AKA "Rajnikanth," he's an apparent Tamil superstar in Asia, big in Bollywood since the '70s. Still going strong as of this 2024 writing. 
Charlie Brill Inspector Ramesh Capt. Lipschitz from "Silk Stalkings." 
Jack Kehler Paul Lorre Philly native who was Ben in Men in Black II, Johnny Mack in Lost Highway, Al in Fever Pitch, and Scrabble Man in The Last Boy Scout
Christopher Neame Ludwig Van Hoeven Small parts on sci-fi/fantasy TV shows. Was the voice of Skagra in the Doctor Who: Shada series and played a Defender in The Prestige
Laura Albert Kim Chi An accomplished stuntwoman and stunt driver, she's active to this day (2024). Also happens to be hot. Topless in Glitch!, Strip Club Girl in Road House, Nude Dancer in Angel III: The Final Chapter...see what I mean? 
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