Nomination Year: 2009

SYNOPSIS: Starring Michael Pataki! From one kind of "Dirt Gang" to another. It's the story of an undead rapist who spawns a half-man/half-vampire that hunts him through the years. Finds him, too.

Smithee Award Nominations

"Alas, Poor Yorick"

Now There's a Twist Nosy detective starts poking around the graveyard. He opens the (surprisingly light-lidded) crypt. There's a coffin inside. He opens that, too! Nope, no vampire. Whew. Zoom! The vampire suddenly runs in from offscreen instead! He chokes him, punches him, slams the lid down on the cop's head, then sucks on him. It's like Pataki said, "There's no way in hell I'm climbing back into that coffin." Director: "Well, then, I dunno, just run in from the side, okay?" I have to admit I was all set for the detective to be the Only One Who Suspects What's Really Going On and goes on to help the hero. Turned out he was the Only One Who Suspects What's Really Going On who tops the oh-you're-so-dead list.

Worst Science

Some Say Abortion Is Murder, I Say Not Aborting Is Suicide It's not often a film of this caliber makes a statement about a contemporary and socially relevant issue. And this is no exception. "Olga I would like to talk to Leslie alone for a few minutes." Stilted and Bad. Doc: "What's inside your womb is dead. It isn't a human being. It'll drag you down and it'll kill you." Leslie: "I'm keeping my parasite--er, baby!"

Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

"Whoops!"
Vampire Ventriloquism? He says "You have lovely hair." She says, "Yes, I was a photographer's model." But neither move their lips. Then BLIP they start talking normally.	Sorry, this clip has not yet been made available!

Acting Appropriately Stupid
Make Me a Vampire! The pretty doctoral student (the blonde's roommate) had a good head on her shoulders...or so I thought. But she turned out to be a freaky vamp wannabe. And here she begs the evil vampire to turn her into one. With predictable results.

Crummiest Ending
The End Or Is It? The hero fights and kills the vampire. Looking exhausted, he approaches the body. He looks sick and afflicted. Ann comes out to see. We think his vampire half is leaving, but nooo... He shouts "Get away from me, Ann!" And turns into a vampire. He stares stupidly at the camera as we see: THE END OR IS IT? It's a beautiful thing.

Directors

Director	Claim to Fame
John Hayes

Cast

Actor	Character	Claim to Fame
Michael Pataki	<Not Yet in Database>	Active actor, usually plays dirty, mean, and/or evil characters, like bikers and Klingons. All over TV and movies. Was Captain Barbera on "The Amazing Spider- Man" TV show. But probably best known as "Count" Malachi on "Happy Days."
William Smith	James Eastman	NOT Will Smith. This guy is a big bruiser who played Falconetti on "Rich Man, Poor Man" (NOT "Falcon Eddie" as the cover of Angels Die Hard would have you believe). He also portrayed "Kimo" Carew on "Hawaii Five-O," and fought with Clint Eastwood in Any Which Way You Can.

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