Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. (1998)
Agent Nick Fury - Einsatz in Berlin
Mitt Namn Är Fury, Nick Fury!
Nick Fury
Nick Fury: Agent of Shield
Nick Fury: Agentti Ässä

Nomination Year: 2013
SYNOPSIS:  David Hasselhoff is the perfect actor to play a comic-book character. Hoff does "tall" well, and Nick Fury is cut from two-dimensional cloth. Hoff can wear an eyepatch, he can squint, grow stubble, growl around a cigar, and stride purposefully. Hence, he's a great Nick Fury.

At the beginning of the movie, Hydra steals Baron Von Strucker's cryogenically-preserved body. S.H.I.E.L.D. then needs to lure Nick Fury out of his forced retirement. After some dutiful scenery chewing, Fury agrees to return to S.H.I.E.L.D.

He is reacquainted with old friends ('Dum-Dum' Dugan, Val Fontaine, Gabriel Jones) and meets new ones like Alexander Goodwin Pierce (fresh from S.H.I.E.L.D.'s "Kirby Academy") or the psychic Kate Neville (who introduces herself as an ESPer ... which she pronounces "ee-es-pee-er" -- I always preferred "ess-pur" because it sounds more ... continent ... but I'm digressing).

It's a good thing that Hoff's Fury left some scenery untouched earlier, because Andrea Von Strucker (the Baron's daughter) chews scenery like it's the only thing that keeps her teeth from growing through the back of her skull.

And because I was lazy, we were watching the copy of this movie that I taped (before it was otherwise available). Immediately following Andrea Von Strucker's "We will rebuild Hydra!" speech (with lots of pinky-pointing) ... came a commercial for cheese. Behold! The power of cheese! The unofficial slogan for this movie, perhaps?

As the film progresses, a lot of comic-book-fan hand-waving happens. Hydra manages to steal Arnim Zola (a scientist), infect Nick with a progressively-deadly poison (Columbian Tree Frog), and threaten to destroy Manhattan with The Death's Head Virus ("it makes Ebola look like the sniffles").

The team splits up for the last half of the movie, with Fury, ESPer girl, and FNG Pierce infiltrating Hydra in an "insertion strike," and the rest of the team scouring Manhattan to find a refrigeration truck. No, really.

The two storylines move in rough parallel, periodically pausing to give each other time to catch up. At least David Goyer (who wrote the screenplay for Arcade as well as a vast array comic-book movies) doesn't even attempt to scientifically explain the super-technology (such as the "anti-laser breath spray"), they just use it and are on their way.

It ends with intimations of a sequel, and a bizarre line about how Nick is using a lot of big words for a man with only one eye. None of us were sure exactly what that meant. Maybe with no depth perception, Nick can't see to the end of those long words? Although, we did realize that in the kingdom of the bland, the one-eyed man is truly king.

But I have to give the movie this -- it was entertaining. For all that the power of cheese was beheld, I am looking forward to seeing the new Nick Fury in the new Marvel-themed films, and if there exists somewhere a director's cut of this one, with expanded footage and more Hoff to Hassel, I would probably not wait ten years to watch it.

Best One-Liner

Oh, so she's heard of him.
Nick meets a new member of them, Kate Neville. She's an esper. She has implants -- neural implants.
Nick rolls his eyes: "C'mon ... you know what I'm thinking now, darlin?"
Kate: "I don't need ESP for that."

Smithee Award Winner! Worst Acting

Sandra Hess as Andrea Von Strucker.
Andrea Von Strucker (Sandra Hess) gives a presentation to the Hydra Lieutenants in a handful of major cities around the world (Osaka, Prague, Cairo). In order to get her point across, she needs to be forceful, but in showing her disgust at her father's associates, she goes so far over the top that she wraps around and comes in from below....

Actors/Directors of Note
Actor Claim to Fame
David Hasselhoff Known for Knight Rider and Baywatch and just being himself.... 
Sandra Hess Sonya Blade in the second Mortal Kombat film 
Ron Canada he's not related to James Earl Jones, but he looks like he could be James' cousin 
Director Claim to Fame
Rod Hardy not a porn actor, he is instead Australian 

Kevin Hogan

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© 2011-2019 Bryan D. Cassidy, Greg Pearson, Matthew Quirk, and Kevin Hogan. All Rights Reserved.